A Healing Me-Day

After yesterday’s shock and horror, in which I spent a minute scream-sobbing and then another hour later just crying, I needed some down time away from everything and everyone to just — CHILL. The accident yesterday just threw me into a loop. I don’t handle shit like that well at all. Nor should I be expected to! My brain is over-sensitized to trauma. And watching a beloved little fawn I’ve seen at least daily for months die like that really hurt my system. I needed to take some time off to recover.

Luckily, I have that option! And I used it. I took the rest of yesterday and this morning in “me-time.” I immersed myself in my favorite distractions and passions and just released all the angst.

I am better now! =^)

Later today, I caught up on some pending things, and finished writing the piece I started 2 days ago (posted publicly now.) I still have to talk to Robin about our plans for later next week, but then I’m pretty much where I want to be for the weekend.

Oh, and after a couple of bad days after my last “good walking day”, I am back to being able to walk pretty well again. I would say I’ve graduated from a zombie gait to more of a geriatric one! LOL! I’m much steadier and don’t need a cane. But I DO have to stand up and just be still for a couple of seconds before I start walking. Almost like my right foot and leg need to remember how to transfer weight again.

Being able to walk put me in this amazing head space today. I could think and feel and work out my issues in a more focused way again. I don’t know why exactly, but it remains true. Maybe because I am a dancer. I work out so many of my issues by dancing on my remission days. Somehow, the motion of body to music shuts up the monkey mind and it’s essentially a form of moving meditation. I get a break from my own head. I think lack of dancing did more to hobble my personality than even lack of walking– although I also walk and hike to work out problems, but often using that chatter-brain to my benefit. Either way, I am not at my best INSIDE when my feet and legs aren’t working OUTSIDE.

Thank goodness I’m getting better.