Professor: TRUMP LANDSLIDE

All we hear about this election is polls-polls-polls. It turns out that there are more accurate ways to predict elections than polls–but we don’t hear much about them because they don’t make liberals feel good and they don’t sell hourly clicks to Nate Silver’s website. What’s the most accurate prediction model?

It’s Dr. Malcolm Liben’s Catastrophic Elections Model from the Sociology Department at the University of Virginia. We caught up with him to discuss his his model which correctly predicts 40 presidential elections with the correct Electoral Vote and National Vote distributions. 

RealTrueNews: Dr. Liben, can you explain the CEM and tell us why you think it’s not getting more exposure if it’s so accurate?

Dr. Malcolm Liben Ph.D.: Assuredly. I’ll address the second issue first. The reason is because that absolute hack Larry Sabato of the UVA “Center for Politics” (he makes air-quotes when he says the name) has dedicated his necrotic career to ruining me out of professional jealousy. He–and his sycophant henchmen, Kyle Kondik and the brutish, if handsome Geoffrey Skelley are never ceasing in their attempts to keep the CEM from rising in the public consciousness.

Firstly, that is because it would put numerous liberal agencies such as polling aggregators directly out of business. But secondly it is because his own minuscule, insectile intellect lives in the umbra of the CEM and he resents it. Gollum-like, he fixates on his own cavernous inferiority and he manipulates naive donors even as he holds ruinous clandestine videos over the University’s board of directors.

[ He trails off and then triggers the model guillotine he keeps on his desk. ]

Ah–but the model–the model. Let us discuss.

RTN: How is it structured?

DMLPhD: It is a masterpiece of elegance. You see, national elections–Democracy itself–is best seen as a series of catastrophes. Either gloriously engaged or narrowly avoided. For example, the election of Barack Hussein Obama in 2008–and even moreso in 2012–was a terrifying transitional event in the Decline of America. Abraham Lincoln? A disaster for the Republic–almost sundering it and destroying a rich portion of its culture.

When you look at presidential candidates as disasters in the making with the 62 “keys” that describe them, a pattern becomes clear. Each election is a potential move closer to dissolution of the state and a plunge into bloodshed and cannibalism. Each 4 years, we either move closer to the terrible precipice or further back. 

[ He trails off--but then triggers the model guillotine on his desk. It has a real, razor sharp blade and a hole large enough to fit a human finger. ]

RTN: Can you talk about how this CEM model is better than the polling that gets thrown in our face so often?

DMLPhD: Polling? Ha. Asking lumps of flesh and gristle what they intend to do? Common people are unable to figure out anything beyond shoving disgusting sustenance into their pie holes. Do you know that two liberal news-casts, the ‘mathematical Five Thirty Eight’ and the communist ‘N-P-R’ both do a daily “show” about the election and they do not even AGREE on how many DAYS until the vote? [ Ed - This is true, they each report a different number on their pod casts ]

It is inferior minds like these and the charlatan Sabato that are ruining this great white Christian nation! It is the skulduggery of Geoffrey Skelley and the kleptocratic Kyle Kondik that keep his so-called model in the news over my far, far superior Catastrophic Index–

RTN: Speaking of–could you tell us what it predicts for Donald Trump in the election?

DMLPhD: A Victory! A Titanic Victory!! A land-slide of Cyclopean Proportions–He will best Reagan. He will exceed General Washington. This election will have a meteoric impact on the western civilization. It will ignite the fires of the American Ideological Zeppelin. It will be an awe inspiring and terrible thing to behold. The MODEL IS NEVER WRONG. On election day the capital’s pentagramal streets will run with the sacrificial blood of the Whore of Babylon Hillary Clinton. The GREAT ALL SEEING EYE will come CRASHING DOWN like the WALLS OF JERICHO!! 

RTN: Excellent. Our readers will love that. Thank you.

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