Mister Obama? I have a question about Subsection B of Obamacare.

I’m flipping through the legal determination that’s making the rounds at the various sewers over there. The determination confirms that I cannot be punished for not having paid a single nickel to the IRS over the past twenty years. I’m not a District of Columbia citizen. It’s always the smallest details that shut down the largest machines, isn’t it? It’s like everyone’s fretting and panicking and freaking out about that Robocop prototype that’s gone off the rails. And I just walk up and pluck out a single little fuse and the machine just powers down, <em>whirrrrrrrrr. </em>

So if I am not liable for the federal income tax, and if Roberts (in his total, embarrassing ignorance of what a tax even is) assures us that Obamacare’s individual mandate is a tax of the same variety as the income tax, then I’m not liable for Obamacare, right? 

So I make Obamacare go bye bye, right? Little old me? With my fuse puller? 

Won’t it be cool when I run for governor and I just laugh and laugh and laugh on the campaign trail about how I took away your signature legislative victory? Is that why I’m a terriss and why your crooked Justice Department keeps arguing for the gag orders and why it’s illegal for prospective show business employers to speak to me? 

Maybe you should have gone with something less ambitious like Hopping Day. 

So let’s see what your machinations over the past seven years got you: Your legacy went away and I made three hundred million dollars and went on to become Governor of Vermont. 

For the most part, the hired help ought not engage professional comedians. 

I am the winner and you are the loser.