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|Still frame of the Patterson - Gimlin film taken in 1967 Near Bluff Creek, California|
In a blockbuster development for Bigfoot buffs, or ‘squatchers’, a term given to those who participate in the search for the legendary Sasquatch, new DNA evidence has been analysed and the test results, to be publicly announced in coming weeks, will once and for all end any speculation or doubt that the mysterious ape-like mammal exists only in the wild imaginations of a few frightened campers.
Although all parties involved in the discovery of the DNA and its analyses have signed agreements prohibiting them from discussing the matter publicly until a suitable, and most likely profitable, announcement of the historical findings can be produced, news of the discovery was leaked during Wednesday nights broadcast of ‘The Conan Show’ (TBS). James ‘Bobo’ Fay, a member of the Bigfoot Research Organization and cast member of the hit Animal Channel series ‘ Finding Bigfoot’ (Sundays 9PM ET/ PT), could not keep the secret any longer and revealed the historical development. (‘Bobo’ did not sign the confidentiality agreement.)
Although hair samples discovered throughout the past 20 years have already pointed to an unknown primate existing in North America, the new find is the first sample large enough to have enabled scientists to map the entire genome sequence of the mammal so intelligent, the entire species has been able to successfully elude man for thousands of years. The DNA sample concludes a primate, never before identified, roams the forests and wetlands of North America.
It saddens this writer to report the means in which this DNA sample was obtained, as a hunter fired at least two rounds at a parent Sasquatch and a youngling, reportedly striking both with a caliber bullet large enough to remove a sizable piece of hair and tissue from one of them. The two Sasquatches were able to flee the area, and no further sightings of either Bigfoot have been reported.
Many states have laws protecting the Sasquatch species from hunters, though it is unclear at this time in what jurisdiction this incident took place.
The new evidence has both Creationists as well as Evolutionists sitting on the edge of their seats, both camps believing the Bigfoot species may hold key evidence to either prove or disprove man was created, therefore not evolving from an ape-like species.
The famous Patterson-Gimlin film of a female Sasquatchaffectionately named ‘Patty’.