Cororner Declares Congress Braindead
After Full Year of Inactivity, D.C. Coroner Designates Congress Legally Dead
In a somber press release issued earlier today, the District of Columbia’s Office of the Chief Medical Examiner confirmed the nation’s worst fears and announced that the once robust United States Congress is, indeed, clinically dead. “We did not embark on this investigation with any preconceptions,” stated County Corner Edward Fox, “However, after a full year of total inactivity, and in the absence of all base-line organ function and traditional signs of life, our offices could no longer stand on the sidelines. We had to make a call.”
Indeed, the decision to certify that the formally vital legislative body has been reduced to a pile of useless, necrotic tissue was not made hastily, according to the brief but dense press release issued just hours ago. Rather, a careful diagnostic and certification process was months, if not years, in the making.
“Of course, our first thought was coma,” explains Chief Medical Examiner Augustus Faber, “Obviously, you don’t need to be an expert to determine that Congress has been completely inactive, incapable of communicating and utterly non-responsive to even the most painful of stimuli during recent years. Thus, a finding of ‘persistent vegetative state’ (or level 1 coma on the Glasgow coma scale) was textbook and a no-brainer. That diagnosis fit, and we saw no reason to re-examine the matter for many months.” MOREHERE SATIRE
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Before It’s News® is a community of individuals who report on what’s going on around them, from all around the world. Anyone can join. Anyone can contribute. Anyone can become informed about their world. "United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
LION'S MANE PRODUCT
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, but it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes: Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity. Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins. Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system. Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function. Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules Today. Be 100% Satisfied or Receive a Full Money Back Guarantee. Order Yours Today by Following This Link.
| Visits: | 1,708,935,241 |
| Stories: | 8,451,597 |
Whistler Blowers, Insiders
