Learning to Find Peace in the Confusion and Uncertainty

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PositivelyPositive

2013 has certainly been an interesting ride for me so far. Coming into the beginning of the year, I was riding a big high! My first book had just been published by Hay House, my business was flourishing, opportunities to empower youth and parents were abundantly flowing into my life, I had absolute clarity on my life purpose (or so I thought), and I was in the most heart-opening and love-filled relationship I had ever been in. I felt like I had finally “made it” and was truly content in all areas of my life!

And just as I started to get comfortable, everything began unraveling before my eyes.

It started with my relationship ending the first week of the year, and before I could even take the time to heal, my business slowed down to a halt. Doors began closing instead of opening, and for the first time in a long time, I was incredibly confused about who I was and what I was here for. For someone who takes great pride in being so open and clear, this was new, unusual, and very uncomfortable territory for me!

I decided that the universe was clearly creating space for me to do some deep healing and growing. But instead of embracing this state of confusion, sorrow, and uncertainty, I spent two weeks resisting it all, unconsciously choosing not to see what was really going on.

Finally, after realizing that it was not serving me any longer, I came face to face with the uncertainty that had all of sudden surrounded all areas of my life.

Now, before I continue on with how I made my way through this, I want to share with you a bit about my childhood so you can understand why this whole process was so challenging for me.

All throughout my childhood, my biggest fear was change and uncertainty. I had a very tough time coping with things when they did not go according to how I wanted. One example of this was when we used to go out to eat at restaurants as a family; I always had to order the same thing every time. This way, I could prepare myself ahead of time for what to expect. Unfortunately for my family and everyone in the restaurant, there were some times that the chicken fingers I ordered looked more like nuggets than fingers, and as a result, I would throw a massive temper tantrum. It often felt like I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. Change and uncertainty was the primary cause of all the pain and suffering I felt and experienced as a child.

I can happily say that over the past eight years, I have done A LOT of work on myself and healed many old wounds from my childhood, but, clearly, after recently coming face to face once again with my greatest fear, I realized there was still some work to do. But I was committed to healing and letting go of this fear once and for all.

Thanks to a coaching session with my father, I had a massive shift, which changed my whole perception on uncertainty and confusion. In the past, whenever I didn’t know the answer to something, I would ask my question to the universe and expect an answer and rather quickly. But when the answer didn’t come, I would seek and search for it with a sense of urgency and even had the tendency to try and figure it all out in my head.

This was because I was truly uncomfortable in the state of confusion and uncertainty and didn’t want to be there very long. The shift in perception came when I realized that confusion was actually not something bad and, without it, there would be no growth.

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