Washington Redskins Ashamed of Name and Must Change It!

I love the smell of napalm in the morning. How to Undo Racial Intolerance!

Them durned politicians are at it again, they want the Washington Redskins to change their name to the Washington Redtails. The proposal is being put forth by some unnamed bureaucrat in the interests of political correctness.

The name Redskins is an honorable one, and it was taken from a bunch of Indians who were tough hombres, and if you didn’t know that they would take your hair in a manner that not even Rogaine could fix!

The paleskins of the time, also known by the less inoffensive name of settlers, would scream, ‘The Redskins are coming!’ And everybody knew it was time to duck for cover, grab the guns, and cover the ears of children everywhere.

It wasn’t a racist term, you see, it was a warning, an ‘alarm’ term. And it was so much better than yelling, ‘The people who aren’t quite white are coming!’ Or, ‘The guys with squaws are coming!’

That said, it must be noted that times have changed, and nobody wants to be known as a tough hombre. It is better to be a whiner and moaner and threaten lawsuits.

And, that said, perhaps it would be prudent to define terms here. This in the interests of political correctness, and to strike a blow against racism and ignorance for all people for all time.

One shouldn’t call white people white people. To use ANY term denoting color is to observe differences that it is not proper to observe. White is actually all colors, anyway, and so it is better to refer to white people as ‘Colored People,’ or ‘People of Color.’

Of course, that creates a problem for people who were previously known as people of color. So, black being the absence of color, or no color, the black people should now be known as ‘People of No Color.’

Organizations such as the NAACP must immediately change their name to NAANCP.

And people who are, uh, brownish in complexion must now be called
‘People Somewhere Between Color and No Color.

People who are considered ‘yellowish’ in tone should henceforth be referred to as ‘People Somewhere Between People of Color and People Who are Somewhere Between Color and No Color.’

And the those people previously referred to as ‘redskins’ should be referred to as ‘People Somewhere Between People of No Color and People Who are Somewhere Between Color and No Color.’

And, as for those durned Washington Redskins, when the other teams come to town, instead of being afraid they were going to meet up with some tough hombres ready to take some hair, they are going to be looking forward to getting a piece of…‘tail.’