ARE WE EVER REALLY READY?: The quarter-life crisis in perspective

This article was published in The Mindful Word journal of engaged living (http://www.themindfulword.org)

OK, so, maybe I’m a little past the quarter life crisis, considering quarter life for most people is about 20-25 and I am just about half a year away from 30, but that’s part of the crisis. I still feel young enough to be in my mid twenties and I still look young enough to (sometimes) get ID’d. It seems these days everyone is settling down and starting families fresh out of high school, or the opposite, waiting until their late twenties or early thirties before diving into marriage and parenthood. But sometimes people don’t seem to understand the latter and it’s inevitable to start feeling the pressure to settle down and have a family.

I know that, personally, I often feel caught in the middle of not wanting to grow up and settling down. Even though I have a great relationship of many years, I still struggle with the idea of letting go of my singlehood. I’ve never been the type to date a lot and have found myself mostly in long relationships with a few months between them for being single and having fun. So it’s not that I really want to date again, because I do love the comfort and security of a relationship, but for some reason I equate marriage with boredom. I know that is a horrible thing to think because it’s only true for some, not most marriages, but that’s the notion that has stuck in my head. No more going out dancing with friends, no more flirting, no more passion, and maybe some of that is true, and it’s just a part of growing up, but that’s where I find myself conflicted on what I want.

I want independence. I want the freedom to travel for work and move for a job if I need to. Marriage and children don’t allow that. Even though I know I do want children, I’m not sure I’m fully ready to take the next step in actually having them yet. My main fear is that eventually I will want to have a family, but by the time I become comfortable with the idea, it will be too late. This sentiment is echoed by the older generation, as my friends and relatives often tell me that getting married and having kids is the expectation at this point in my life. I don’t think they fully understand that times are changing and women don’t have to depend on a man anymore. That’s not to say these people don’t mean well. But when almost every time you go to a family or social function and you hear “you’re next” or “when are you going to get married” or “you have to give your parents a grandchild,” you can’t help but feel the pressure to do these things, even if you’re not ready. But are we ever really ready? Or do we just jump in and hope for the best?

The way I look at it is this: if we’re lucky enough to have a long, healthy life, what’s the rush? When you really look at the grand scheme of things, 30 is really just a fraction of your life and there’s a lot of living left to do. Sure it’s great if you feel settled enough to “settle down” but if you’re not, that’s OK too. There seems to be a stigma of “what is wrong with this person” if you aren’t married with children towards the end of your twenties. But I consider it smart to take your time rather than give into the pressure if it doesn’t feel right. As hard as it is at times, no matter what your age or situation, you need to listen to your gut and do what’s best for you rather than what everyone else thinks is best.

Read more on this topic in RELATIONSHIPS THAT WORK: Following the creative cycle to find the right person>>

image: David Niblack: Imagebase.net (Creative Commons BY-SA)

The post ARE WE EVER REALLY READY?: The quarter-life crisis in perspective appeared first on The Mindful Word.

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