....something to offend everyone.....

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and
have therefore raised their security level from “Miffed” to
“Peeved.” Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
“Irritated” or even “A Bit Cross.” The English have not
been “A Bit Cross” since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly
ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from “Tiresome” to
“A Bloody Nuisance.” The last time the British issued a “Bloody
Nuisance” warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from “Pissed Off” to
“Let’s get the Bastards.” They don’t have any other levels. This is
the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the
last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert
level from “Run” to “Hide.” The only two higher levels in
France are “Collaborate” and “Surrender.” The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France’s white flag factory,
effectively paralyzing the country’s military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly”
to “Elaborate Military Posturing.” Two more levels remain:
“Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Change Sides.”

The Germans have increased their alert state from “Disdainful
Arrogance” to “Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs.” They
also have two higher levels: “Invade a Neighbour” and
“Lose.”

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they
are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These
beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a
really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Once “sort of English” Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security
level from “No worries” to “She’ll be right mate”. Two more
escalation levels remain: “Crikey! I think we’ll need to cancel the barbie
this weekend!” and “The barbie is cancelled.” So far no
situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

Regards,

John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person

And as a final thought … Greece is collapsing, the Iranians (Persians) are
getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 B.C.