Comet ISON, we’re all doomed!

More contributions by me!

No folks, we’re not!

Seriously, we’re not. If you’re worried about that, maybe after reading some end of the world nonsense you found elsewhere, relax, please. We’re safe. We’re safer than a kitten sleeping in the folds of a blanket in front of a flickering fire on a cold winter’s night.

But if you’re one of the tin foil hat wearing, conspiracy theory believing, X Files obsessed, fruit loop “The End Is Nigh!” nutters who lives in their parents’ basement and spends hours reading about Mayan Calendars, UFOs, Moon Landing Hoaxes and the like, this isn’t the site for you. Kindly leave. No, really, I mean it. See that red “X” at the top right of the page? Click on it and then get some badly needed rest then hopefully you’ll return to reality.

Sadly, nowadays anything a) astronomical and b) rare gets hijacked by a bunch of absolute dribble-drooling crazies nowadays, people with far too much spare time on their hands and, sadly, access to a computer and the internet. These nutters set up a blog, a Twitter account or a YouTube channel and any new discovery – a comet, asteroid, whatever – is quickly kidnapped by them and heralded as proof that the world is going to end, or that God is angry with us, or both! It’s bizarre. These people actually seem to relish the thought of billions of people dying and human civilisation being wiped out, and are even disappointed when it doesn’t happen! Take all that Mayan crap at the end of last year. It was always rubbish – the Mayans never predicted the end of the world, it was modern 21st century idiots who twisted the whole calendar thing into something stupid – and when the world didn’t end on the day it was predicted to they all backtracked, insisting the calculations were wrong, or the translation was wrong. Doomsday was just delayed, not cancelled.

* Comet ISON is not “Nibiru”, the ‘tenth planet’ destined to collide with, and destroy, Earth. (We know this because Nibiru is TOTALLY fictional, a fantasy made up by idiots with no knowledge of astronomy, and no willingness to learn anything about it).

* Comet ISON will not hit the Earth. (We know this because the comet’s orbit has been calculated with *great* accuracy, not just by NASA and ‘Officials’ but by many amateur astronomers, with their own equipment, completely independantly. In fact, in astronomical terms, we’re not even going to have a “near miss” with Comet ISON, which is a shame, because if it came closer we’d see it better…)

* Comet ISON’s arrival in the sky will not usher in a new Dark Age, herald the birth of the Antichrist, or trigger earthquakes or revolutions. Nor will it mean the onset of plaques, or the final clippy cloppy gallops of the Horsmen of the Apocalypse.

* Comet ISON is NOT going to drag Mars out of its orbit and pull it towards the Earth. (I’m not making that up, some people actually believe that might happen…)

* Comet ISON is not (and boy, I love this!) “The Red Hand of Death”. It is not going to shower Earth with finger-like tendrils of poisonous chemicals and wipe us all out.

* Comet ISON is NOT … deep breath… an alien Habitat called “Xanterexx” with 1000s of alien beings on it.

* Comet ISON is not “already pelting Earth with debris”, as some YouTube vids are showing. (We know this because the comet is currently further away than Mars, on the opposite side of the Sun, and its tail is pointing away from us, so it’s, you know, PHYSICALLY FREAKING IMPOSSIBLE!!!!)

* Comet ISON is NOT “changing course”, and “puzzling experts”. If experts are puzzled about anything it’s about how some people – people who are otherwise smart enough to use computers and the internet – are so bloody stupid and gullible, or both, that they actually believe this rubbish.

* Comet ISON can NOT cause solar flares “with its gravity”. Think about it… teeny tiny comet, made of ice, vs a HUGE bloated HUGE ball of ridiculously hot ball of gas that’s surface temperature exceeds 10,000 degrees F.

Want to know the basic truth?

We know ALL those things are BS because Comet ISON – and the clue is in the name – is a COMET,  a big ball of dirty ice, melting in the warmth and light of the Sun as it whizzes around it, and we’ll see it in our sky for a while before it heads back out into the darkness.

Have a nice night everyone and enjoy tomorrow, for it will come.