"I was with a group of beings that I felt I had known for a very long time" Gillian's Near Death Experience
Friday, May 30, 2014 14:11
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I had been ill with chest pain, fever, headache, night sweats for about a week, but had not missed work, and I was on-call. Finished rounds and went to the Urgent Care clinic. CXR showed suspicious nodule in my lungs. A CT of my chest resulted in my being flighted to a CVICU after being diagnosed with a dissecting aortic aneurysm. After arrival at the tertiary care center, a regular Echocardiogram did not support the diagnosis of an aortic aneurysm. (The CT also showed hilar lymph nodes and a peripheral pulmonary nodule, but this was not the primary concern at the time) . I was sedated due to erratic BP and went to the OR with plans for cardiothoracic surgery and was prepped for heart bypass and intubated. They then did a trans-esophageal echocardiogram which also did not confirm an aneurysm, so the surgery was (thankfully) cancelled. The next morning, I woke up with a very sore throat and an arterial line in my left wrist. There was still some doubt as to whether the aneurysm was present, so they ordered a MRA/MRI of the heart, etc. It was en-route to this procedure that the NDE occurred.
I was chatting with my nurse, who was pushing me down a long underground empty tunnel in a wheelchair. As we approached an elevator, I realized that I was loosing my vision. It worsened and I mentioned it to my nurse. She asked if we needed to return to the CVICU and I told her “I think so” as I could no longer see and was loosing my hearing. I tried to put my head down, but was about to fall out of the wheelchair and she yanked my upright. That is the last thing that I recall.
[At this point, I had been off the Esmolol (blood pressure lowering) drip for at least an hour, and the last morphine injection (bad headache that AM) had been about 2 hours prior. I don't recall feeling sedated and did not have a fever at the time. ]
My next recollection is being in a vast, seemingly endless, space filled with brilliant white light. I recall no limits on perception – no binocular vision, but panoramic/spherical/360 – hard to describe. I spent what seemed like a long time – certainly not minutes, hours, or days. More like weeks, months, eons. Time was meaningless.
I was with a group of beings that I felt I had known for a very long time. Seems like more than 12 and less than 25. I have a vague recollection of having my Earthly experiences “downloaded”, and having a great reunion with these beings, and a great period of relaxation/recuperation. Communication was non-verbal and instantaneous. It involved relaying entire occurrences, concepts, and events with associated emotions, not just words and sentences. Eventually a consensus was reached that I should return to the the life I had left as it was unfinished. I don’t recall how I appeared, but recall how the other beings appeared as I departed from them – Brilliant jewel bright points of scintillating light. Only two colors, though – emerald green and deep purple. (Weird – why not all colors?). I recall them receding into the distance.
The next memory is being a point of consciousness hovering. I don’t recall any sound. I was back to having binocular vision and my entire field of vision was taken up by what I eventually realized was a “face”. I recall pondering the significance of this “thing”, and eventually realized it was a being, but recall feeling pity for “it” and perceiving it as child-like. I watched a little longer and suddenly had the realization that the eyes of the thing were “green” and that they looked familiar. I then felt a sense of compassion as I recognized it was suffering. I recall the eyes staring and mouth being open. (I seem to recall an oxygen mask, but not real certain about that). With the feeling of compassion, came an instantaneous sense of connection and I was suddenly wrenched back into the body and the memory of who “I” was and the circumstances of where I was returned.
It was a very rapid transition. I could hear again, and could hear the medical staff yelling orders. I was drenched in sweat and felt awful and very weak and hurt all over (later learned I had had seizure activity). I recall a bald-headed man leaning over me. Someone else to my right yelled “do you have epilepsy” and I turned my head and told them “no”. Someone on my left was fumbling under my gown trying to put on defibrillator pads, then asked “should I take them off”. Someone else said “No, we may loose her again”.
At some point I recall starting to cry and asking them “why did you bring me back to this place. It was so nice there. Everyone was so nice and loved each other. It was so beautiful. Why did you have to bring me back here, etc?” Those nearby seemed to hear me and seemed shocked, but remained professional, as I recall. I was quiet for a while processing what I remembered of the experience while they worked. I recall eventually asking them not to tell my husband that I didn’t want to come back. I’m quite sure they though I was an ungrateful lunatic, but they were relieved I was alive.
The rest I pieced together by asking a lot of questions, and my nurse confirmed that my heart had stopped briefly -cardiac arrest- after developing hypotension (systolic to 30) and bradycardia. She also told me about the seizure. Another nurse told my that “my” nurse was one of the most experienced CVICU nurses there. She went home early – I was told that she was pretty shaken up – and I never saw her again to thank her. Mostly, no one wanted to talk about it. They eventually chalked it up to the effects of prolonged “vaso-vagal response” resulting in bradycardia and eventual brief arrest. Apparently when the nurse ran back to the CVICU, she had her chin holding me into the wheelchair while I was having a seizure. Folks came out of the unit to meet her when the telemetry showed the BP and heart rate drop. Several doctors and nurses picked me up and “threw” me onto a bed. This resulted in a return of spontaneous circulation apparently.
I remained in the CVICU for several more days, had the MRA/MRI – told my heart and cardiovascular system was pristine. Still having erratic HR and BP issues, so sent to a Cardiac step down unit for about 4 more days. Underwent pulmonary workup for with bronchoscopy and CT guided biopsy of the chest for the other lung related issues. Some arrhythmias, but no further major issues. Presumptive diagnosis of Sarcoidosis, but not fully confirmed. Sarcoidosis can affect the heart conduction system.
At the time of your experience was there an associated life-threatening event? Yes I was en route to a procedure. Lost vision, then hearing, then consciousness. Had an arterial line in wrist and the telemetry from the line was being monitored back at the CVICU. I was later told that my BP dropped, then my heart rate dropped. It was described as “Bradyarrest” in my records. I had seizures after I stopped breathing, apparently, then my heart stopped.
Was the experience difficult to express in words?….Yes….You don’t have the paradigm to make the translation unless you have been there, I suspect. Once there, there is no way to associate some aspects of the experience with “normal consensual reality” on this side. No interface or correlation.
At what time during the experience were you at your highest level of consciousness and alertness?….More consciousness and alertness than normal That depends on which “You”. From the standpoint of the “me” that I am in my current reality, (this is so weird to discuss!), I would have to say it was immediately after I returned to my body.
If the standpoint of my out of body self, then I was at the point that I was re-integrating my awareness of my physical self with my non-physical self.
If from the standpoint of my totally disembodied self in the white light, I would say that the part I recall the most distinctly was the point of withdrawing from my “friends”. In that state, I believe I was my true, eternal self, not the mortal self that I am as I type this, which is a small subset of my “true self”. (Words can’t express, and it is just so bizarre !)….Again, it varies as to which “me”. As my disembodied self, I had greater degree of perception – visual, mental, conceptual. And communication was telepathic and instantaneous. Communication was in entire concepts. You did not have to convey a story one abstract at a time, but could just “plop” the entire occurrence into another’s consciousness – complete with the sensory input at the time and the associated mental and emotional gestalt.
As my out of body floating self, I had less sensory input – my entire awareness was visual perception of the face in front of me. No sound, taste, touch.
When I re-intigrated back into my body, I felt awful, but was pretty “myself” with normal sensory input.
Please compare your vision during the experience to your everyday vision that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. Sphere of perception rather than binocular vision. Colors more brilliant. Complete surround awareness.
Please compare your hearing during the experience to your everyday hearing that you had immediately prior to the time of the experience. I don’t recall hearing anything in the conventional sense while in the bright light or in the OOB state following. There was communication, but it was mind to mind, not auditory or involving vibrations in the conventional sense.
Did you see or hear any earthly events that were occurring during a time that your consciousness / awareness was apart from your physical / earthly body? Yes Not in the disembodied state in the white light, no.
But in the out of body state, hovering over the face, yes, in that I saw my own face from a perspective above my actual body.
What emotions did you feel during the experience?….I felt intense joy and happiness in the disembodied state in the white light. There was a sense of “I”, but I was also a part of a group consciousness, and that was blissful. I don’t recall a lot of other emotions. Certainly no sorrow, guilt or regrets.
In the out of body hovering state, I recall mostly a clinical detachment, almost a cold/emotionless assessment of what I was perceiving. At least initially, I felt no sense of connection to the “thing” I was studying.
Did you pass into or through a tunnel?….No….
Did you see an unearthly light?….Yes….Everywhere was brilliant white light. Not dazzling or painful to behold, but very bright. The beings I re-united with appeared to be points of colored light – like emeralds and deep purple amethysts lit by a brilliant light which radiated outward from within.
Did you seem to encounter a mystical being or presence, or hear an unidentifiable voice?….I encountered a definite being, or a voice clearly of mystical or unearthly origin No voices or sounds. Mind to mind communications. Beings encountered were intelligent points of consciousness with which I seemed to have had a prior long-term relationship. We seemed to be like a group mind, but yet separate individuals. More like we were united in a common purpose and came to decisions by consensus. It was wonderful to experience the reunification. Yet looking back, the setting where we existed was very simple. There was only the white light everywhere. No other additions to the backdrop except the beings. We were highly intelligent and had vast stores of knowledge, but were as uncomplicated (and as incomplete????) as our environment. I’m not sure that we had “free will”.
Did you encounter or become aware of any deceased (or alive) beings?….Yes I encountered beings, but there was no sense that I had any mutual relationship to them while on Earth. I do not think they were relatives or any known historical figures. More like they were my “real family and friends from long ago (before Earth) and we were reunited.
Did you become aware of past events in your life during your experience?….No….
Did you seem to enter some other, unearthly world?….A clearly mystical or unearthly realm….
Did time seem to speed up or slow down?….Everything seemed to be happening at once; or time stopped or lost all meaning….Subjectively, it seemed I was there for “a long time”. Time seemed irrelevant or meaningless there.
Did you suddenly seem to understand everything?….No….
Did you reach a boundary or limiting physical structure?….No….
Did you come to a border or point of no return?….I came to a definite conscious decision to “return” to life….
Did scenes from the future come to you?….No….
Did you have a sense of knowing special knowledge or purpose?….No….
Discuss any changes that might have occurred in your life after your experience:….Moderate changes in my life….I have shared my experience with colleagues despite the fact that it could result in professional criticism or concerns about my sanity and ability to practice medicine. In fact they have been amazingly supportive and have been quite open to discussing the possibility of life after “death”.
The whole experience (my first hospitalization, procedures, etc) has made me a better doctor.
The NDE has made me a better person. I have less fear overall, and feel that I can now experience a different level of material existence, now that the fear of death has been laid to rest.….
Did you have any changes in your values or beliefs after the experience that occurred as a result of the experience? Yes Don’t “sweat the small stuff”, because in the big scheme of things, much of our reality is “small stuff” and we are here to learn. Don’t beat yourself (or others) up for mistakes. It isn’t like we come here with an “Idiot’s Guide to Earthly Living” or anything. We figure it out (or not) as we go along.
Do you have any psychic, non-ordinary or other special gifts after your experience that you did not have before the experience?….Uncertain Would rather not. Just too weird.
Have you ever shared this experience with others? Yes Same day. Husband, sister, friends, nursing staff, doctors – anyone who would listen. Not sure how well they heard it though, or how well I stated it. Was still processing it all. Probably a lot of babbling.
Did you have any knowledge of near death experience (NDE) prior to your experience?….Yes Elizabeth Kubler Ross book and a few others. My experience was not like any NDE I had read about in the past. No tunnel. No dearly departed, guides, religious figures, etc.
What did you believe about the reality of your experience shortly (days to weeks) after it happened:….Experience was definitely real It seemed as real as everyday life experience. Not unreal or dreamlike. The problem is that some aspects do not translate from there to here, so some parts seem vague.
What do you believe about the reality of your experience at the current time:….Experience was probably real….I am a scientist at heart. I am aware that nothing in my experience is “provable” using the Scientific Method. But it sure seems like the recollection of a real memory. If it was not real, then how can I have certainty that any of THIS existence is real?
Have your relationships changed specifically as a result of your experience?….Yes….Some folks (family mostly) look disturbed when I talk about my experience. You quickly learn who is open to discussing it and who isn’t. Such a profound experience requires discussion, though, or at least sharing.
Have your religious beliefs/spiritual practices changed specifically as a result of your experience?….Yes I talk to “them, God, Creator, whatever” a lot more and express gratitude for many things that I used to take for granted.
At any time in your life, has anything ever reproduced any part of the experience?….Uncertain Once, during childhood, I was quite ill with a fever. I recall having a vivid “dream” where I had total surround 360 spherical perception. I was encompassed/embraced by a seemingly very powerful, but loving entity, like I was a beloved child. I recall being surrounded by darkness and being shown various incredible and wonderful things. I had perceptions/senses that I do not have in this body. I recall crying when I woke up because I had lost so many abilities by being “here”. I have forgotten many of the details over the 50 or so years since then, but I have never forgotten that memory of total love and acceptance and being cherished.
Did the questions asked and information that you provided accurately and comprehensively describe your experience? Yes Having the text boxes helps.
Are there one or several parts of your experience that are especially meaningful or significant to you? The conscious recollection of two distinct disincarnate states. Knowledge (not just a suspicion or belief) that “I” don’t end with this body.
Is there anything else that you would like to add about your experience?….Thanks for t
Source: http://www.ascensionearth2012.org/2014/05/gillians-near-death-experience.html
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