Enjoy one liners
eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to “incorrect” so whenever I forget it the
computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and
procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don’t care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn’t expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice — I’m not using it.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound
perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when
you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it’s been
doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
I’ll bet you $4,567 you can’t guess how much I owe my bookie.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you’ll have trouble
putting on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver’s test–the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
NESARA- Restore America – Galactic News
Source: http://nesaranews.blogspot.com/2016/03/enjoy-one-liners.html
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Lion’s Mane Mushroom
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, But it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes:
Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity.
Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins.
Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system.
Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome.
Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function.
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules. Today Be 100% Satisfied Or Receive A Full Money Back Guarantee Order Yours Today By Following This Link.
I WAS GOING TO BE A COMEDIAN, BUT EVERYBODY LAUGHED AT ME.
Hi Nesara, Superb this one and I enjoy of your every line.
What do Manchester, UK and Las Vegas, US have in common………..???
they are the only two places on earth where you can pay for sex with chips………