The Heart of Darkness

As the astute reader will have realized long ago, the Farm Manager manages much more than the farm around here. She micro-manages virtually every aspect of my existence. Not that I’m complaining. In fact, I’ve never been happier! And sometimes her managing manages to birth a great concept for a business venture. Hence the Hearts of Darkness Chocolate Company. That’s a concept that has “home run” written all over it. It’ll join our stable of start-ups that include the Stinkfoot Cheese Company and the BigAss Chair Company. Yessirree, this commie is embracing capitalism big time! It all started with a story she read me about the health benefits of dark chocolate. Due to considerations of age and lifestyle I’m a proud member of that cohort that can be reasonably expected to drop dead at any moment from a catastrophic cardiac event. Ya, who knows, this could be the last blog post I ever wr… aarrrgggghhh………….. oh shit I can’t breathe… call 911!.. Just kidding. Anyway, she says guys my age can benefit big time from regular doses of dark chocolate. I don’t have a problem with that. In fact I don’t mind dark chocolate one bit. All things considered I’m more partial to white chocolate, but WTF, I like life, and I’ve never heard anything about the power of white chocolate stretching out my time in this mortal coil. The problem, I think, is getting guys my age into the typical chocolates emporium to buy their life-saving dark chocolates. While we occasionally darken the doorways of such establishments when we have the good fortune of remembering a birthday or an anniversary or the fact that Feb 14 is more than just another day in February, we’re otherwise disinclined to frequent these places. It’s just not that cool, and what guy goes to a fancy chocolate shop to buy himself chocolates? That’s where a bit of marketing savvy comes in, and after “Stinkfoot” and “BigAss” you’ll have to admit that I’m up there with the heavy hitters of marketing. Welding was absolutely the wrong career choice for me, a decision that should haunt my grade 9 guidance counsellor to this day. So Heart of Darkness Chocolate Company is going to partner up with the Snap-On folks. Yup, you can buy your life-saving dark chocolates right off the Snap-On truck when Buddy rolls round to sell you your next $150 screwdriver. We’re thinking of a NASCAR sponsorship too, especially if we can convince Mark Martin to hang around another year or two. Our people are talking to his people even as I write this. I think we got us a winner! Look out Mill Creek!