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By The Art of Being Conflicted
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Just In Case...You Will Want Me as Your Friend

Tuesday, July 10, 2012 5:29

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Thought Number One

Hardly a day goes by without someone talking about the upcoming (speculative) Zombie Apocalypse. Really??? Didn’t we have enough to worry about, like global warming, unemployment, the housing crisis, just general injustice and day-to-day mayhem? Now we have to worry about the undead coming after us to eat our body parts and most specifically our brains. Just when you think that crazy has bottomed out, you realize that there “is no bottom”.

Now that the word “zombie” is the 3rd most searched word on Google, there is a wealth (???) of information out there. It would seem that there are a lot of differing points of view on the possibility of our future “undeadedness”. (Who would of ever thought, I would be using that particular word in a post.)

The rash of violent crimes during the months of May and June, that involved eating body parts seems to be fueling the “believers”. (I started to refresh your memory by posting the details of a few incidents, but by the time I got to the second one, I was loosing my desire to “catch you up to speed” at the same rate of speed that I was loosing my lunch. So just Google it and help the word “zombie” get the Number 2 spot. Go Zombie!)

Just as all good stories that are fueled by the media along with it’s BFF, the Internet, all sorts of theories have emerged. One theory being there are airborne viruses released into the atmosphere by NATO that are causing people to become aggressive to the point of attacking other people. (Do I need to add the eating them as well…or is that implied?) There are the theorist that believe that the Toxoplasma gondii parasite is responsible. (Sure..let’s blame it on the sweet little kitties of the world.)

Then Bangor, Maine had the Zombie Apocalypse Preparedness Drill. I would like to think that Bangor was looking for a creative way to have a fun theme party but,,, “Hey, you….Bangor… yes, I am talking to you…You aren’t helping to keep the lids on crackpots.”

I am not exactly sure what one is to learn from this. Do you want

to be standing in a crowd if your body parts are on

someones menu?

It would appear that zombies take no responsibility for
personal hygiene.

Well, you can all rest easy as the Center for Disease Control, better known as the CDC has issued a statement.

CDC spokesman David Daigle said the agency “does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms)”.

The CDC is denying the upcoming apocalypse, but if you are wanting some free posters go to their website and download away.

For those of you that want to check out the Zombie Preparedness info and get your free stuff off of the CDC’s website, just click here. http://www.cdc.gov/phpr/zombies.htm I just love government agencies with a sense of humor…they are joking right???

Thought Number Two

Have I ever mentioned, how great I am in emergencies.

It’s true. Little things like, when you (well..not YOU specifically..you in general) cut me off in traffic will have me losing my f&#*@*! mind. There is seriously going to be some four letter words flying and if words could hurt, you are in serious trouble.

But if you slam you’re hand in a door and loose a finger, I am the girl you want standing next to you.
I have already proved myself on this one and I can tell you that, I am good. Whatever body part you lose, I promise I will retrieve it and get you to the ER lickety split. I have references.

AND as far as the zombie apocalypse goes, I not only will stay calm and retrieve any of your body parts that are dislodged…I am pretty confident in saying that no one wants my brain. No ONE. I will be “good to go” in the event of a zombie apocalypse.

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