The Curse of the Thai Smile

Hey,

I guess its that time of the week again to update my blog, I become to lazy that I feel even writing this has become a chore now at times, but anyway lets re-tell a story that happened some days ago.

So every Sunday I go and play football for a few hours around 8pm. Anyway I get back home after just destroying everyone, players at the game were saying “oh my god, you should turn pro” and”how are you so good”, yadda yadda yadda, I try to play it down and keep humble.

Arena 10

I get home, its like 11pm and im hungry, realizing I have no fridge or a kitchen, I decide to ring my friend and local restaurant owner Somchai. After trying too place an order for 5 minutes, only too tell me that its Sunday at his place is closed. I’ve stopped asking questions like why didn’t he tell me this at the start, or why did he pretend and try to take my order, now that I have been in Bangkok a while. So I just smile, punch the wall and go to my local beer garden for some food.

On Nut Beer Garden

I’m dehydrated and exhausted as I have not eaten for hours, my legs hurt after schooling a bunch of yanks in a game they call “soccer”. I walk up to the first counter and order what I assume was a meat product and some rice. I try not to order noodles when in public spaces due to the fact it takes me 45mintues to eat anything using chop sticks.

I manage to find a seat in the corner, this is a very busy place, full most nights, its a nice place to eat cheap food and listen to the most horrific Thai music one will ever here. The music here is absolutely terrible, If I had to put it in perspective its like seeing a dead hedgehog on the side of the road, its so disgusting that you want to vomit, but at the same time you cant take your eyes off it.

I’m sitting down and imagining myself elbowing the lead singer in the face, and the whole of the audience in the beer garden standing up and applauding my actions. When suddenly two tall good looking girls walk past, we interlock eyes and I just smile, because that what people do in Thailand, smile right? They both smile back, but why wouldnt they, im a 9.5/10 and my handsome looks are internationally recognized. I think nothing else and keep on eating my food, two minutes later, Samchai (not to be confused with Somchai) the waiter comes over and hands me a piece of paper with a number. He points to one of the girls, they both giggle, I smile and just wave.

I think to myself

I eat the rest of something I didn’t order but they gave me to me anyway and walk out. Walking on the street someone from behind grabs my hand. I turn around and see a Ladyboy and I………

Him/her: “hello, wat is jur mame”
Me: “Harvie”

Me: “No its Harvie”

Me: “Harv-eee”

Me: “no no, its R-V”

Me: “yeah thats it, you got it”

Course it is sweetheart I think to myself.

The conversation goes on a bit more, he tries to find out were I live and complements my looks, asked me to ring him several times so he has my number, but I kindly declined and said I’m in a rush. Asked me if I have a girlfriend and if I want one and what I was doing later tonight. Hes still holding my hand, and people are walking past, my place is 2mintues away I’m sure all the Thais are thinking “oh great another farang ladyboy lover, puke”. Im about one second away from putting this guy in a world of hurt, but I’ve seen enough episodes of “banged up in Thailand and bottled it.

Finally he kissed my hand and let it go, then gave me a hug and said to phone him. Still with a smile, I said just said “okay bye”.

Look Bud, Nice to meet you

Well thats that for this week, im actually in a rush and need to make a phone call too errrrrr…… a friend, until then bye!

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