The Kindness Project: Forgiveness

he Quintessentially Questionable Query Experiment

Too often kindness is relegated to a random act performed only when we’re feeling good. But an even greater kindness (to ourselves and others) occurs when we reach out even when we aren’t feeling entirely whole . It’s not easy, and no one is perfect. But we’ve decided it’s not impossible to brighten the world one smile, one kind word, one blog post at a time. To that end, a few of us writers have established The Kindness Project, starting with a series of inspirational posts.

If you read this blog a lot, you know that my kid sister got married last week. It was a lovely wedding, and for the most part, a wonderful time. What I didn’t tell you is that it was the first time I’d seen my aunt and uncle, and one of my cousins, in twenty years.

I’m not going to go into all the details why, but if you know me well, you can probably guess. Anyway, the point is, it was a difficult reunion for me to face. I stressed about it for months before the trip – pretty much ever since I heard the wedding was going to happen.

The last time I saw these people, I was basically a boy. A lot had changed since then, but the same feelings remained. The same feelings many young people feel toward people in positions of authority over them, whether they are their natural parents or not. Sure, I was much more rebellious than most teenagers, but I had plenty of reason to feel the way I felt.

However, justified or not, my feelings and old resentments, were not going to serve the purpose of the trip: to celebrate my sister’s union with the person she’d decided to spend her life with. In other words: it wasn’t about me.

So I sent my aunt and uncle an email ahead of time, asking them for forgiveness, and implying I forgave them, without mentioning any specific grievances. I didn’t expect a reply, and I didn’t get one, but what I did get, which was a nice surprise, was a hug from each of them, when I happened to answer the door at the rental house, when they arrived in town the day before the wedding.

We’re not best friends again or anything, but we did agree to start writing to each other, and I hope that things will go well. Even if we didn’t always see eye to eye back in the day, there’s no denying what they did for my sister, so I made sure to thank them for that when I gave my toast after dinner.

Even if forgiveness isn’t going to make a huge difference to the people you need to forgive, sometimes forgiving yourself, or even acknowledging that you need to seek forgiveness, can lift a heavy burden from your shoulders. Letting go can be extremely liberating. I highly recommend it.

NOTE: On another kindness related point, Natalie Aguirre is interviewing one of the kindest bloggers I know today on Literary Rambles. Please stop by, and say hello to Lenny Lee!

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