seeds of hope

there comes a time and place where you just have to grab your sanity
or lose it.

i have several theories of why this winter has played with my sanity
the way it has, but regardless of the theories – it just plain ol’ has.
little miss ‘i love winter, it’s my favorite’ has turned into a growly
bear wondering ‘when the heck is winter gonna end.’

it’s been quite interesting to watch.

one nite, in desperation, i painted my kitchen floor.
it wasn’t a wild painting of the floor.
it’s something i do every so often, and it needed it.
it was however spur of the moment and necessary for my
keeping my mind in tact. i didn’t do it to paint the floor.
i did it for therapy.

turned out to be a wonderful experience and one that helped
a lot with my mood.

i’ve been pokin’ around with small house projects since.
but not enough.

see, that’s the thing -
when you’re on the verge of losing your sanity,
you don’t do  the sane things that keep you here.
because if you were sane enough to do that,
there wouldn’t be a problem in the first place.

i get this and work with it the best i can.
and have moments where i can grab that lifeline that i need,
and bring myself back to shore.

it was one of those moments that made me drop everything,
grab my car keys and run out to buy seeds.

i drove the back way which is beautiful.
i looked at the winter trees and loved them.
remembered the beauty of winter.
all the time smiling because i decided i was gonna start spring.

when i got in front of the seeds, i found myself arguing with myself.

last year i swore off seeds. i seem to have a black seedling thumb,
and decided i’d never try to start them again.

but, i argued…..this year you need spring in the living room, terri.
you need to talk to the dirt and ohh and ahh when you see the little
sprouts coming up. you need to see that color green and look at it
every day.

i pictured the whole thing.
talking to the little seedlings, urging them to grow.

and i laughed right out loud in the store.
i AM losing my mind.
i’d better get these.

and so it begins.
i’m starting spring.
right now.
today.
because sometimes you just gotta do what you can to grab your
sanity back.

they’re calling for snow tonite.
and i say bring it on baby, cause i got my seedlings.
i absolutely know spring is beginning in my living room today.
i can handle anything now!