something i'm workin' on......

i’ve been consciously doin’ something that’s actually working.

part of me is totally thrilled it’s working.
and part of me isn’t.

i have been actively working on paying attention,
savoring the moments, appreciating those around me,
and just consciously stepping into happiness.

i’ve been doin’ this full force for about two weeks.

and i’ve been feeling happier.
it’s making a difference.
i can even see the people around me reacting to it.

why wouldn’t all of me be thrilled about this?
well, because i think it means more participation in my own life.
more grabbing hold of it instead of just letting it happen.

i don’t for one minute think i can control my happiness and stay that
way all the time.

i mean, i guess if i were enlightened or something….but i’m not.

i know i’m gonna hit plenty of down times i can’t pull myself out of.
i know that.
i know there’s plenty of depressing things to knock me into the mud
and it’ll take some time to get out of that. i know that.

but i can see that there’s plenty of times where there’s a real choice
that i make. where i really can choose to be happier, more present,
just plain more alive.

 and sometimes making the ‘living fully’ choice is a bit more effort.
 and sometimes the lazy side of me isn’t so sure about it all.

so there is a part of me that’s draggin’ my heels.
while another part of me is dancing and swaying with the music.
it’s quite a thing to watch.

it’s quite a thing to experience.