Don't Be a Sissy

Okay. I need a good laugh, and I found one in some of my old files.

Backstory

I’ll be out of the office tomorrow and maybe a few more days. Younger daughter is having surgery. Yesterday and today were all about pre-op stuff. So I’m understandably a little down over the situation, but I’m sure everything will work out well.

Anyway, I was going through some old files and found something my friend Elaine Chase sent me several years ago. It’s one of those things that floats around the Internet, but rarely has attribution, which is a shame because it’s so clever.

Reading it made me laugh so I thought you might find it fun too–especially if you find all the flowery, complete-with-kittens, cheap sentimentality cloying. This little piece is the kind of heart-felt sentiment that the Terminator Chick would email.

None of That Sissy Crap

Are you tired of those sissy friendship poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces. Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.

1. When you are sad, I will jump on the person who made you sad like a spider monkey jacked up on Mountain Dew.

2. When you are blue, I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.

3. When you smile, I will know you are plotting something that I must be involved in.

4. When you’re scared, we will high tail it out of here.

5. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining, ya big baby!

6. When you are confused, I will use little words.

7. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.

8. When you fall, I’ll pick you up and dust you off.

9. This is my oath. I pledge it to the end. Why? Because you are my friend.

Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth. Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.

Takeaway Truth

Isn’t this screamingly funny? Have a party Friday!