my very own affirmation

i was having an argument in my head.
about the way i choose to live.
the heart part was arguing one way,
the practical part was arguing against that way.

i parked my car,
and as i closed the door, the practical part thought it was getting
the last word and shot out one of those finishing biting sentences.

but the heart part wouldn’t let that be the last word,
and answered – but with obvious doubts wavering the conviction,
it came out….but not as strong as it had started.

and as i noticed that,
i looked up.
kinda at an angle at first,
just looking at the sky.
it’s the perfect place to get a really good look at the sky,
and i like to catch a view when i park there.
the clouds were so breathtaking that my neck kept bending
and my head kept tilting
and in a moment, i was looking straight up above me.

and i whispered out loud ‘ohmygosh, look at that.’

straight over my head,
was a rainbow.
there was no rain.
there was no reason.
and it wasn’t your typical rainbow.
it was more like a straight section of a rainbow
just hanging out straight above me.

‘there’s your answer,’ i told my heart.
‘there’s your affirmation.’

i stood there soaking it in.

and it occurred to me that i could very well be the only person
on the planet who sees this right now.
it wasn’t in your obvious spot.
you had to be looking straight up to see it.
i thought there might be a kid somewhere laying on their back
in the grass who’s found it too.
but there couldn’t be too many of us.
and it was ours.
to do with as we pleased.

i tucked it into my heart,
giving that voice inside there a little extra confidence.

and i thought about it all weekend.

i thought about it as i watched someone’s issues twist them in such a way
that they could only see goodness as a threat,
i thought about it when i watched some inner needs get band aides from
outer sources, when what they really needed was inner tending from inner sources.
i thought about it when i listened to someone deciding to choose to
offer kindness and respect when it would have been so easy to just be dismissive,
i thought about it thru the reaching past hurt, thru the conscious thought given
to priorities, and to the choosing of what to say and what not to say.

i watched the mix of good choices, bad choices, choices made without even
knowing the reasons….i watched all around me….and i thought of what my heart
had been saying of how it wanted to live.

that little piece of rainbow stayed with me all weekend.
and my heart watched, and nodded, and knew.
it knows how to live.
it knows how to really experience what matters.
it’s me that needs to listen.
it’s me that needs to trust.

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