mowing therapy

i ran out to mow the yard today.
didn’t have a lotta time,
but figured i’d just whoosh thru it.

well as i was whooshin’ thru the part that’s hardest for me -
it’s this little drainage ditch by the street…
and i was pushin’ that mower up the tiny little slant that feels like a darn mountain to me,
i suddenly was mad.

just plain mad.

and i took that mower and man, i pushed that everywhere it needed to go
with great gusto as i let the anger run thru me.

i was mad at life.
mad that it was so darn hard sometimes.
mad that everyone carried around so many issues that just burdened them
and weighed them down.

mad that it wasn’t easier.

mad.
mad.
mad.

and i mowed, baby.
man, i mowed.

and then……after i let out a lotta energy,
other things crept in -
like my wonderful dentist i visited that morning.
a really good guy.
i thought of one of his stories and smiled.
i thought of his super kind wife.
more smiling.

i thought of something loving my guy had said.

i noticed the leaves on the ground,
looked up at the trees and the beautiful day.

okay.
okay.
i could feel all the mad giving way to believing that it’s all worth it.

even when it’s hard.
even when everyone i know is battling demons
and it doesn’t seem like anyone gets an easy ride.
even when i just wish it was easier for every single person i know.

sigh.

by the time i was done,
i was tired, hungry, and much more okay with life.
it’s not easy, but yeah, it’s so worth it.

nothing like a little mowing therapy…..