droppin' the stress, pickin up the treasure

there’s a couple different things that can stress me out in a particular way
that feels all crawly and awful.

two of them popped up big time for me this morning.

something that needs fixing that i can’t fix on my own,
i don’t even understand it, let alone come close to being able to fix it.

and then what usually comes hand in hand with that -
taking up other people’s time having them help me with something i can’t do.

that’s cause i want to take care of everyone,
don’t want to be any trouble,
i end up dancing around painfully worrying about everyone else and feeling terribly guilty.

sigh.

it hits one of my big issues.

the ‘i’m in the way’ issue.

sigh.
sigh.
sigh.

i have that one big time.
i know it.
it comes out all the time.
and my gosh, i certainly need to work with it.

so.
it occurred to me that this is the perfect chance to look at it and work with it.

and i see how hard i try to make everything okay for everyone else.
and in the process, i don’t recognize everyone else’s ability to take care of themselves.

that’s not good.

and actually, i don’t recognize a lot of things.

so i sat with that.
and breathed and pondered and let go of some stress.

i decided to tell everyone involved that i’m gonna not get stressed like normal,
and i’m gonna ask them all to work with me in letting go of the taking care of them.
i am asking them to do what’s best for them so i don’t have to.

i could feel so much tension leave my body when i figured that out.
then i had to sit and look at the whole ‘in the way’ thing -
the way i undervalue myself.

sigh.

there’s a lot there.
and i’ll keep looking.

but even seeing the tiny bit that i did, i could feel more stress leave.

i bet there’s a book out there somewhere that talks about stress being a way of your
body trying to tell you to look at stuff.

cause it sure seems like when i looked, and acted on what i saw, it left.

and it gave me the space to say -and mean – i know darn well i’ve got everything
goin’ for me right now and there really is nothing to stress about.

all these crazy moments…..they’ve all got treasures for us, don’t they?
if we could just remember that – and look!