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At the deanery meeting on Tuesday we had a period of prayer before the Blessed Sacrament. As the host was being placed into the monstrance, a spider to my right shot out from a hiding place and ensnared a fly, taking it with him to the hiding place it had emerged from. I was somewhat startled by the brutality of it, it happened so quickly, yet it was nature doing its best to be just that. The image soon left me as I concentrated upon adoration of Christ, present on the altar before me. But the image has entered my prayer and I have reflected upon it.
Over the last few months the images portrayed by events around the world have been particularly brutal. Plane crashes, wars and conflict, medieval systems of people in Syria and Iraq, hiding behind the guise of religious extremism, brutalizing captives and committing deeds of murder most despicable. These have found their way onto the internet or in the news print and are shocking to see. The reality of these images provokes a great sadness. It is a continuous commentary that the world of people, has the potential to mirror the basest form of nature, and the deeds men do to each other is appallingly frightening. What are we to do when faced with these extremes of the vilest aspect of human nature?
The loss of the sense of personal sin, that can afflict us from time to time, contributes to a malaise in the spiritual life. I wonder sometimes, what am I capable of? And if I can justify my wrongdoing to myself. I have the potential for good, but I have the potential to choose to do the wrong thing too, and convince myself that it’s not that bad. I can shake my head at the depravity I witness in others around the world, yet I need to look at my heart and ask the Lord from time to time, to soften it, to recreate it, to even remove it and replace it with a trusting, more docile heart, one that is more open to the Lord and his influence.
The spider jumping out from its hiding place, the extremes of violence in the world, these can be beyond my capacity to influence. But my own heart, this I am responsible for, this is a task I have in life, to examine it in the light of the good news of Jesus Christ, crucified and risen.
I pray this evening:
“Lord, creator God, grant me the grace of a disciples heart; a heart wiling to conform itself to you, one that is wiling to be shaped and mouldedin the furnace of your abiding, healing love. Amen”
