Straight from the Horse's Mouth

(Image: source)

Look what I’ve found — straight from the horse’s mouth:

“Global Recession Finally Over Let the Good Times Roll”

NEW YORK – USA – The global recession is finally over and millions of people around the world are celebrating the end of the largest recession in the world’s history.

There were mass street celebrations all over the world including cities like Sidney, Vienna, Phnom Penh and even in London.

Millions of people took to the streets to celebrate the end of the recession.

Banks were happy too, and were giving away unsecured loans to anyone without so much as a form being filled in.

“I walked into a branch of Midland bank and they sat me down on a chair and gave me a loan for £10,000 at a dirty low interest rate and a 130% mortgage. They just said, you can pay it back whenever you want,” Larry Jagger, 25, from Hartlepool, England, told the BBC.

Global stock markets jumped up 46% on Tuesday as the news headlines streamed the glorious announcement.

Not only have the banks opened up again, so have the car manufacturers who are doing buy one get one free deals. Both Ford and GM are giving away brand new SUV’s if you buy a mid size luxury car.

Supermarkets were giving away free food to people in the streets and Apple stores were literally shedding ipods in malls all across the Western world.

Credit card companies all over the world immediately started promoting 0% APR credit cards.

Consumers all over the world rejoiced: “We’re out of the recession. I feel like a black cloud has been lifted from the land and I can breathe again. I can spend, spend, spend, again without the old fear creeping around the corner for awhile. I think I just had a multiple cash orgasm all over the shopping mall,” Dana Kurvinski, 23, from Daytona Beach, Florida told CBS.

Of course, the story’s not true, but since so many mainstream media outlets feel its only fitting to provide us with feel-good fantasies about the economy dressed up as news, I figured I might as well quote what seems to be the direct source for many of their reports: The Daily Squib.

In reality, Americans of all stripes are either struggling through a recession-cum-depression that shows no signs of abating, or as in the case of those (luckier) individuals polled in a recent survey, detailed below in “Global Business Leaders Prepare Strategy for Another Recession, According to Harvard Business Review,” they are hunkering down for the next big round of ugly economic reality.

Seven out of 10 business leaders globally are braced for second world-wide recession, a survey from Harvard Business Review shows.

Harvard Business Review decided to take the pulse of global business leaders, since it’s their perspectives – their expressions of confidence – that most help determine economic performance. Pessimism at that level translates into corporate decisions to cut spending, hold off on hiring, and defer new investments.

Among the 1,379 respondents, 70% said a global economic recession is either somewhat or very likely in the coming months. They’re particularly down on Europe’s prospects. Nearly nine out of 10 expect growth will be less than 2%.