BREAKING: JP Morgan To Exit Physical Commodity Business

[Ed. Note: We just double checked the calendar and today is NOT April Fool's Day. Still, we can't shake the feeling we are being punk'd.]
from Zero Hedge:
After weeks of emptying of their Gold vaults and making headlines in recent days over their oligolopolization of commodity warehousing, it seems the threat of a probe has excited Blythe and her colleagues to dump while the dumping is good:
- JP MORGAN TO EXPLORE STRATEGIC ALTERNATIVES FOR ITS PHYSICAL COMMODITIES BUSINESS
Options include sale, spin-off, or strategic partnership as they re-confirm that they are “fully committed to traditional banking activities,” as they look to drop the holdings of commodities assets and the physical trading business. We can only assume that “physical commodities” include the company’s extensive inventories of tungsten (as well as the vault housing it), and not so extensive stores of gold and silver. That said, we are confident that the collapse in represented (but not warranted) JPM Comex gold vault holdings to a record low, and this news is completely unrelated.
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IS THIS A JOKE!? OR IS IT REAL? IS IT LIVE? OR IS IT MEMOREX?
Why do you need physical commodities idiots are still buying paper crap and as long as that happens they can generate a good income from it and also maybe it it is money tied up doing nothing and they feel they can do more with it elsewhere. Interesting if true though.