Janet Yellen Is Destined To Be The Best Fed Chairman Of All Time

[Editor's Note: The following post is by TDV Editor-in-Chief, Jeff Berwick]

Janet Yellen has only been Chairman of the Federal Reserve for less than two months and I am already convinced that she is the best thing to happen since Barack O’Bomber was first elected and awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.

There are a number of reasons for that.

First, as we can see by her speech yesterday she is going to be a laugh riot.  And, secondly, all of her actions will undoubtedly, indisuptably destroy the dollar… And, of course, we dollar vigilantes have prime seats and are positioned to profit from that inevitability.  We thought Helicopter Ben was a literal gold mine but Janet Yellen will easily surpass him as a great source of mockery and profitability.

Let’s talk about the lighter side first before we get into how she will oversee the complete destruction of the US economy and dollar.

YELLEN THE COMEDIAN

On Monday she gave a speech in Chicago that had me spitting up my enchiladas in bursts of laughter so bad I had to ask my maid to clean off my computer monitor!

Her style, though, is a dramatic change from her predecessors.  

Alan Greenspan was so good at using language that was confusing and meaningless, the term “Fed speak” was coined to refer to his vague statements. In his book, “The Age of Turbulence,” Greenspan revealed that this method of avoiding the issues directly when a clear message wasn’t desired was not unintentional. The confusion was used to prevent unintended jolts to the markets as confusing statements are typically just ignored.  In other words, Greenspan actually admitted to purposely saying unintelligible things and no one found this odd.

Ben Bernanke’s style differed in that he did not just make up random sentences like some sort of scrabble game but actually spoke in English but usually avoided any real substance.  Usually murmurring and looking scared he would give short, curt responses to questions without really saying much and avoiding any real commentary.

Janet Yellen, on the other hand, is quite verbose it appears.  The media disliked her first press conference because she actually stated some actual facts and info that the market could actually understand.  So, in her latest public speaking engagement, yesterday in Chicago, she mostly talked about all manner of ridiculous things as I’ll point out.

The most notable inanity was that she used the same technique as the President uses at the State of the Union theater.  She actually brought up and went into great detail on the plights of three different real people.  The only thing missing was having some hired mercenary from the barrio missing a limb to point at and request applause.  

She described how Dorine Poole lost her job during the Great Recession, caused by the Federal Reserve, and despite her clerical skills she still cannot find work.   Then she spoke of Vicki Lira who lost her job processing mortgage applications when the Federal Reserve caused the housing bubble and subsequent crash.  And she spoke of Jermaine Brownlee, a construction worker who cannot find work after the housing crash… a situation again caused by the Federal Reserve.

This, I suppose, is the grandma looking new Fed Chairman who cares about people… real people… who have had their lives destroyed by the Federal Reserve.  And she is there to give them another kick while they are down with even more manipulations of the market to destroy more wealth.

She gave this speech at some heinous event called the “National Interagency Community Reinvestment Conference”!  Of course, anything this vague and mentioning the need for “community reinvestment” was in the old stomping grounds of the Chief Community Organizer himself, Barack Obomber.

She started off her speech by stating, “I am here today to talk about what the Federal Reserve is doing to help our nation recover from the financial crisis and the Great Recession, the effects of which were particularly severe for the people and the communities you serve.”

Even that should make you guffaw, at least a little, if you have some sort of working cerebellum as the financial crisis and Great Recession was mostly caused by the Federal Reserve.

She went on, “Part of that effort has involved strengthening the financial system. New rules are in place to better protect consumers and ensure that credit is available to help communities grow.”

Yes, because what is needed to make a community “grow” is more rules and restraints!

She then went on to say something which actually made no sense whatsoever.  It had my eyes crossing trying to comprehend the meaning of it, “One of the most important things you do is to help people meet the demands of finding a job in what remains a challenging economy. And that help is crucial, but I also believe it can’t succeed without two other things.  The first of these is the courage and determination of the people you serve.”

Okay, so the Federal Reserve chairwoman just travelled to Chicago to tell people that the most important thing to help people find some way of supporting themselves (jobs) is……… that those people are courageous and determined!

Wow, thank you Janet for coming to Chicago to tell us that the most important thing to survive all the destruction wrought by the US government and the Federal Reserve is that people have courage and don’t give up despite how many roadblocks you throw in front of them!  

So, we are all hanging on the edges of our seats, what is the second thing we need to survive this catastrophe in motion?

“It might seem obvious, but the second thing that is needed to help people find jobs…is jobs,” she said.

Yes, those are her two main points she wants to get across to people about how to survive the Great Recession.  Be courageous, determined and don’t forget, no matter how obvious it may be, that if people need to find jobs the thing needed is jobs.

I couldn’t believe at this point that, just like in Europe recently after Barack Obomber spoke, there wasn’t just laughter and no applause whatsoever.  

I actually did a Google search for “Janet Yellen Alzheimers” right after just hoping there was a medical explanation for what she was jabbering on about.

Aside from those two great wisdoms about what is needed and pulling three people out of tens of millions destroyed by Fed policies to parade in front of the media she had a few more nuggets of wisdom.

She stated that the Fed is doing everything within its power to further destroy the economy by obfuscating price signals, counterfeiting money and manipulating the price of interest rates.

And for her encore, she stated what else the Fed was doing to “help”.  It included authoring a book called, “What Works for America’s Communities” which cited innovative and effective community development initiatives across the country and advocated for a “Community Quarterback” model to coordinate initiatives and better leverage funding among groups with similar goals…. whatever that means!

The Fed also did research and found that one key to success is “collaborative leadership,” when governments, businesses, and nonprofits unite behind one focused approach.  Yes, that should do the trick.

For her final solution she announced that the Fed has backed a grassroots-oriented program called Economic Avenue. In Northeast Kansas City, Kansas, residents and neighborhood leaders are forming a leadership council that will have responsibility for managing the program, which aims to create and grow local businesses, create jobs, and promote homeownership.”

She closed with, “These examples are just a few among many throughout the Federal Reserve System. By testing ideas, developing better measurement tools, convening interested parties, and sharing the Federal Reserve’s skills and knowledge with our partners at the national and local levels, we aim to serve as a catalyst to improve lives.”

Ah yes, those books and grass roots oriented programs to try to teach people how to grow businesses are all that is needed!  

Thank goodness for the Fed and Janet Yellen or people would never know how to survive the devastation brought upon them by the Federal Reserve.

THE END OF THE MONETARY SYSTEM AS WE KNOW IT

In the respect of brevity, this is how one Wall Street analyst, David Zervos of Jeffries, received her latest speech:

“Ok, I just read Janet’s speech in Chicago today. Holy dovish deepdish pizza batman!! I have no recollection of a Fed Chair’s speech where the lives of three down-on-their-luck job seeking individuals were discussed in detail. This is one loving and caring Fed Chair – I must send her a “no haters” hat immediately! If anyone doubts Janet’s commitment to fighting for more job creation – read the tape. If anyone doubts Janet’s belief that there is excessive slack in labor markets – read the tape. And if anyone doubt’s Janet conviction that there are no material inflation risks on the horizon – read the tape. This could be one of the most dovish speeches I have ever read from a Federal Reserve official! Janet has quickly redeemed her poor performance from 12 days ago. On this assignment she gets an A+. Somehow I always knew she would pull through.”

And, I can’t say I disagree with him on the dovish part.  What Grandma Yellen is saying is that the Federal Reserve, because it cares so much about people, is ready and willing to further destroy the economy from the ravages brought upon it by the Federal Reserve, to help more people by counterfeiting, further price-fixing of interest rates and helping write books and initiatives advocating “community quarterbacks”.

THE CLOSING ACT

As stated above, Janet Yellen is almost like a gift from god here at The Dollar Vigilante.  She will almost certainly give us plenty to laugh about and further destroy the dollar and the US economy to which we are so properly positioned.  Just like Barack Obomber, Janet Yellen will be a boon for all of us positioned in precious metals, bitcoin and hard assets and with most of those assets outside of the US for the end stages of the collapse (subscribe to TDV or come to our upcoming Crisis Conference in Cabo if you are not already in that position).

If you are positioned for what is to come you can laugh along with us as these central planners destroy what is left of the dollar and the US economy as they keep trying to salvage what is left of this dying, communist-style system.

Believe me, hearing what Janet Yellen is saying is a lot funnier and more enoyable when you have your ass and assets far-removed from her ridiculous ideas and control.

The Dollar Vigilante is a free-market financial newsletter focused on covering all aspects of the ongoing financial collapse. The newsletter has news, information and analysis on investments for safety and for profit during the collapse including investments in gold, silver, energy and agriculture commodities and publicly traded stocks. As well, the newsletter covers other aspects including expatriation, both financially and physically and news and info on health, safety and other ways to survive the coming collapse of the US Dollar safely and comfortably. You can sign up to receive our FREE monthly newsletter, our Basic Newsletter ($15/month) or our Full Newsletter ($25/month) with specific stock recommendations and updates at our Subscriptions page on our website at DollarVigilante.com.