Teaching Kids Equality: How to Prevent Gender Violence

Earlier this month I conducted a workshop with a group of teenagers, exploring reasons for teen violence against women. The adolescents were initially extremely skeptical of learning anything related to sexuality and gender, as they sat slouched in their chairs and dismissively doodled in their notebooks. But as the class progressed, their attitude towards the lesson, and each other, changed, and turned into a heated debate about what defines a good boyfriend or girlfriend.

“If he gets jealous that just means that he loves you,” said L.; “totally,” echoed another classmate. “I mean, if he didn’t care, why would he keep sending you all those texts asking you where you are all the time?”

When I introduced the idea that personal freedom, not restraint, is the corner-stone of any healthy relationship, my students perplexingly nodded along. It seemed as if this type of violence somehow completely eluded them. In fact, studies have shown that most teenagers don’t even know when they are in an abusive relationship.

“I think it’s OK to hit your girlfriend if she is driving you crazy. If you don’t, she won’t shut up.”

In a study conducted by Spain’s Progressive Women’s Federation, 80% of teenagers believe that women should satisfy their boyfriend’s needs. 60% think jealousy is normal, and 30% believe a woman is only complete if she has a man in her life. They don’t see this as a form of violence. Instead, they tend to only recognize severe physical aggression as an example of crossing the line; and even then, sometimes not even that. “I think it’s OK to hit your girlfriend if she is driving you crazy. If you don’t, she won’t shut up,” stated L.

Since 2007, the Spanish Judicial Power’s Observatory of Domestic and Gender Violence has revealed a chilling rise in teen gender violence of 23.7%. In theory, society should be improving. But somehow, it’s not. Who’s to blame?

Some people blame social networks, which can be used as a vehicle for controlling others. Others blame movies, which reflect a distorted view of relationships, or text messaging, which has now become a new tool for bullying. But these means, while contributing factors, don’t necessarily explain why gender violence is increasing. The problem lies deeper.

Teenagers spend much of their lives in school, which is the primary source of their education. If teachers or other classmates aren’t clamoring against hierarchical gender roles and violence, it is almost inevitable that children will continue to imitate the sexist behavioral patterns which permeate society. So unless someone teaches kids otherwise, gender violence will continue to flourish.

But the solution is not that easy. Our syllabus is centered around an androcentric education that equates aggression with power. In the past, the diverse accomplishments of women have been consistently marginalized, while most of our traditional role models and leaders are male. Our history books preach that the violence lived in World War II, the French Revolution, and the American Civil War was all in the name of freedom, equality, and domination. Aggression is often used as a tool to try to solve the world’s problems, and often times children are taught to admire and prefer it to “weak” attributes, such as humility and forgiveness.

Not only is our syllabus perpetuating the continuation of gender stereotypes, we as teachers are allowing inequality to persist. Not only do we passively treat the violence ridden, androcentric curriculum as acceptable, we just don’t promote equality strongly enough. I have witnessed male teachers treat female students as less worthy of answering math or science questions, while other female teachers insist that girls aren’t supposed to “sleep around”. The Spanish government, in addition to cutting funds by 20% for gender education, has decided to get rid of the only class subject that taught gender equality, and we’re just accepting it.

Teen gender abuse keeps rising because we’re not doing enough to stop it. Even if textbooks and institutions contradict the truth, it is our duty and responsibility to ensure that our students have a healthy understanding of gender equity and sexualities. We need to teach alternative history and give kids the tools they need to identify, denounce, and prevent gender violence instantly. We must show no tolerance for abuse or domination, and also empower girls to be independent, self-sufficient individuals.

It’s up to us all to decrease this pernicious rise in gender violence. We can accomplish this by being the example, and by helping to create a more equitable environment shaped by respect, peace and freedom.

photo via Crónica Norte

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