Ruritanian Walt to be next EU President

A Ruritanian ‘Walt’ from Luxembourg with a liking for the dressing-up box is set to be appointed (not elected, of course) the EU’s next President. Luxembourg, a tiny corporate low tax haven. has a history of producing unelected officials for the EU who then spend their time preventing other EU members from becoming, er, corporate low tax havens.

In return for his services to corporate tax, Jean-Claude Juncker has so far collected a Grand Cross of the Order of St Henry, Grand Officer of the Legion d’honneur, Grand Cross of the Order of the Star of Romania, Grand Cross of the Royal Norwegian Order of Merit, Grand Cross with Star and Sash of the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany, Knights Grand Cross of the Order of Merit of the Italian Republic, Grand Decoration with Sash for Services to the Republic of Austria, Holder of the Order of the Three Stars (First Class), Holder of the Order pro merito Melitensi. In support of his candidacy, he addressed the European Heads of Government:-

“I have all my own costumes and uniforms and over 60 pairs of shoes for dressing-up. I offer a full social programme in Brussels with plenty of dressing up and lashings of show tunes. I still have room for some more medals – ahem, Mr Cameron, I appear to have nothing from the UK so far, and from Spain the Order of the Constipated Elephant is one I also covet. In return I won’t ask any tough questions and will continue to seek increases in EU budgets, salaries, allowances and expenses for all!”

Mr Juncker’s appointment is expected to be announced shortly.  He is expected to launch a new costume of his own design for the occasion.