Business as usual in Brussels. UKIP? What UKIP?

With his large motley army of MEPs Farage has advanced on Brussels. It has achieved nothing.  He has not even fought a preliminary skirmish at Quatre Bras like Wellington did 199 years ago. Farage’s army is nowhere to be seen. Its like every World Cup since 1066. Brits make a lot of noise, paint their faces, travel out in triumph and then the Germans win on penalties.

It was the same in 1815 at Waterloo whose 199th anniversary it is tomorrow 18th June. Then the big pre-victory celebration was the Duchess of Richmond’s ball (memo to Nigel best make Annabelle a Duchess it adds class which UKIP lacks) The ball was just warming up when at midnight the sneeky Frogs crossed the border and advanced on Brussels. The soon to be Iron Duke marched out at the head of his MEPs and got duffed up by the Frogs for the next 7 hours or so but in the nick of time the Germans arrived, stuck the ball in the back of the net and we had a famous victory that we could name railway stations etc after and so rub the Frog’s noses in it for the next 200 years.

Worse the nasty Brits captured the Frog’s team manager Napper Bonoparte and sent him off to St Helena where they don’t play football so Napper died of boredom very conveniently for the Brits. The French have been after revenge for this for the last 200 years. Cunningly they have turned the Germans to support them and to inflict on the Iron Duke’s successor, D Cameron OE aka Flashman, Herr Juncker who is a bully any English public school would be proud to call their own.. A case of our Eurobattles being lost on the playing fields of Eton perhaps?

Farage’s very own Old Etonian the belted Earl of Dartmouth has not even got on the pitch and team manager Nigel is nowhere to be seen. As they say Nige if you can’t beat them join them and you joined them a long time ago but you wisely didn’t tell anyone!