How to Dig a Hole – by the Daily Telegraph
(satire?)
The Daily Telegraph Guide on How to Dig Yourself into a Big Hole (with thanks to wikihow)
This article covers the technique of digging yourself into general holes as well as the special case of deep narrow holes, such as the Telegraph is now finding itself in.
There are many ways and many reasons for a newspaper to dig a hole for itself; revenge, immaturity, capriciousness, or just downright arrogance by its owners. However, excluding deep narrow holes, the methods are the same for any newspaper, requiring the use of a shovel, an axe, a lot of dirt, spin and lies.
But please be warned. Once you dig your hole, you will have to shovel away the dirt that was scooped up by your work.
Method: How to dig a generic hole
1. Determine the outline of your hole:
2. If you find yourself having to dig through hard facts, stomp your shovel blade all around the outside of the story, making sure you avoid the truth at all times:
3. Scoop under the fibrous facts, and put them somewhere where nobody can find them. Pitchforks also work particularly well here if you need to be a prick:
4. Continue digging yourself into your hole until you’re completely unable to get out of it. If the truth is still too hard to dig, you can loosen it by shoving your middle finger vertically at everyone in desperation after which you will find nobody will ever believe anything you ever report in your newspaper ever again.
5. Cover up as much of the dirt as you can and, when you are done, you will find you have buried yourself so deep you’ll be able to watch your reputation disappear forever from the bottom of the deep hole you’ve managed to dig yourself into:
Daily Telegraph dramatically accused of “fraud” over HSBC bank coverage
How Telegraph execs tried to stop Tom Watson MP’s inquiries into paedophilia
(Facepalm) Daily Telegraph: tax dodging Monaco Tory billionaire hates Labour
Meet the Telegraph journalist on a one woman campaign to smear the NHS
This Telegraph article about Emma Watson has just murdered satire in cold blood
Daily Telegraph uses death of baby and outright lies to smear NHS
The Telegraph lied. Here’s their apology to Margaret Hodge MP
Daily Telegraph on racism – it’s just self-pitying b*ll*cks!
.
Please feel free to comment. And share. Thanks:
Source: https://tompride.wordpress.com/2015/02/21/how-to-dig-a-hole-by-the-daily-telegraph/
Anyone can join.
Anyone can contribute.
Anyone can become informed about their world.
"United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
Before It’s News® is a community of individuals who report on what’s going on around them, from all around the world. Anyone can join. Anyone can contribute. Anyone can become informed about their world. "United We Stand" Click Here To Create Your Personal Citizen Journalist Account Today, Be Sure To Invite Your Friends.
LION'S MANE PRODUCT
Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules
Mushrooms are having a moment. One fabulous fungus in particular, lion’s mane, may help improve memory, depression and anxiety symptoms. They are also an excellent source of nutrients that show promise as a therapy for dementia, and other neurodegenerative diseases. If you’re living with anxiety or depression, you may be curious about all the therapy options out there — including the natural ones.Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend has been formulated to utilize the potency of Lion’s mane but also include the benefits of four other Highly Beneficial Mushrooms. Synergistically, they work together to Build your health through improving cognitive function and immunity regardless of your age. Our Nootropic not only improves your Cognitive Function and Activates your Immune System, but it benefits growth of Essential Gut Flora, further enhancing your Vitality.
Our Formula includes: Lion’s Mane Mushrooms which Increase Brain Power through nerve growth, lessen anxiety, reduce depression, and improve concentration. Its an excellent adaptogen, promotes sleep and improves immunity. Shiitake Mushrooms which Fight cancer cells and infectious disease, boost the immune system, promotes brain function, and serves as a source of B vitamins. Maitake Mushrooms which regulate blood sugar levels of diabetics, reduce hypertension and boosts the immune system. Reishi Mushrooms which Fight inflammation, liver disease, fatigue, tumor growth and cancer. They Improve skin disorders and soothes digestive problems, stomach ulcers and leaky gut syndrome. Chaga Mushrooms which have anti-aging effects, boost immune function, improve stamina and athletic performance, even act as a natural aphrodisiac, fighting diabetes and improving liver function. Try Our Lion’s Mane WHOLE MIND Nootropic Blend 60 Capsules Today. Be 100% Satisfied or Receive a Full Money Back Guarantee. Order Yours Today by Following This Link.
| Visits: | 1,708,231,107 |
| Stories: | 8,449,805 |
Whistler Blowers, Insiders
