An Open & Shut Secret

Welcome to the Morning Show anchored by me, Dippy Duvet Dave, coming to you 3D live today on radio station Slogambia 9262, we tried using a railway station but the trains made it far too noisy hahaha and so onward to the news and here’s an intriguing opener….

SFX derdadit-dit-dit-dadaaahda-beeep…

And news is on de way comin’ that globally acclaimed philanthropic mass murderer Gill Bates kinda blew his stack last night on the Dick Carwash chat show when asked how he felt about accusations concerning his intentions toward the Third World: have a listen…..

“What is it with you people? I mean, are you asleep 24/7? I could tell you the fucking moon was made of Jello and you’d say, “no shit?” right? I mean, what the fuck do you think this has always been about? Have you seen Africa? It’s a mess, am I right….ever met an Indian you liked? Of course we’re gonna kill the bastards…every last manjack of the fucktards, and the sooner the better…..”

How ‘bout that, huh? Let’s hear from our first caller to get a view on that one – and that’s Lamin way down there in southern Lumbago, right?

“Dazz right, bro….say, whadever dat white boy been smokin’, it my turn next….”

Hahahahaaa, yeh, right, but what did yer make of that confession yeh? Live on peak time CNNBCA….

“Bro, he juss one more honkey mouthing off after too much marchin’ powda, I don’ pay him no heed, it’s jess a publicidy stunt an’ ah aint buyin’ it…”

OK well, that’s one way of looking at it, maybe our next caller has another take on things…..who’s on the line now?

“Arr, eeow…hillow…..it’s Joyce Tick here in Basingstoke, and I don’t mind saying that I think that nice mister Bates has a point I mean look heeyah, it’s time we had a cull of all these workshy nig-nogs constantly demanding money and then getting a free ride across the Channel so they can….”

Yes, some controversial points made Joyce haahahaha, going to have to cut you off there and go quickly to Horace Godson in Westminster…..hello Horace, are you there?

“Yeeyes, actuarly I am indeed and available in ancient greek if required, and I rartha think it’s high time to put a stop to all these silly conspiracy theories about media takeovers, World governments, globarl ginocide and so forth, as it’s quite clear to me that it’s all a lot of left-wing poppycock just like the hacking fiasco in which jolly decent journalists were hounded a dozen or so years ago and all that Elm House kiddy-fiddler claptrap was used as a weapon against innocent Conservative candidates engaged in harmless visits of a purely goodwill nature to Amsterdam and…..”

So you don’t give any credence to the stories of cover-ups, then?

“….oh dear, there you go again with the cover-up thing….listen, did you hear what the world’s greatest living philanthropist Gill Bates said on the Carwash Show last night? Did that sound like a cover-up to you?”

Well obviously not, no…but…

“Then there you are – he simply spoke his mind. In today’s mendacious world, what we need is more people like mister Bates.”

Thank you Horace, and now to our final caller today, who if I’m not mistaken is none other than hahahahaaa world famous billionaire Norris O’Beese, am I right?

“Yes you are, I’m the Norris that followed the Horace…”

Haahahahahahaa, nice one…

“…and I have but one thing to ask: do you sincerely want to be disgustingly rich?”

er…say, did I fuck up, there – are we at the commercials?

“Of course you do, because we all do: but you don’t know how to do it, because you haven’t got the Exponential Insight yet, and that biglyest insight is….”

Hahahahahaaaa….go on, let’s hear it….hahahahaha….

“All 21^st century growth comes from technology, but all 21^st century tech is shit, complex, jargonised to Hell and nothing but a means of tracking, controlling and baffling real human beings…”

….yeh, um, well – thing is Norris we’re out of time now so….

“You might think you are baby, but trust me here – I can switch you off but nobody can switch off the 1in8 Freecorps who have finally decided that now it’s your turn to be forced to admit that science-following, down-locking, up-masking and arm-jabbing is one gigantic heap of Elephant droppings in a room that talks about nothing beyond deadly planetary climate threats and viral gains of function ‘twenty times more dangerous than Covid19’: so you can take your two-bit tramline of bilge and stick it up your….”

And now after hahahahahaha that word from our prankster-sponsor….

“I’m not your sponsor Dave, I’m your worst feckin’ nightmare – a Resistance you can’t ignore”.

And now, I think we have Jamie on Line 3…go ahead Jamie….

“Just wanna make this crystal clear, 3D….all you selfish bastards out there with houses and land, well, we who care about this wunful Planet of ours are gonna force you to sell it for ten cents to ensure that we speed up the global cooling process, cappiche?”

Well, that seems clear enough….so wacky world of 3D radio land out there, do we have a caller out there? Hulloooo? Are you up for Jamie’s idea haaahahahahahaha?

“3D, we couldn’t give a shit whether they like it or not….it’s comin’, and there ain’t diddly squat they kin do bard it, kid….

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I’m a man with a plan. What does anyone else have in mind as a means of stopping the New Normalists? I’m curious to hear what your ideas are. Meanwhile, meet a New Normal Pioneer: