Keep Santa's Claws Off My Thanksgiving Turkey

I was a few months old when I had my first thanksgiving meal. My mom cut up some turkey, stuffing, and mashed potatoes, slathered it in gravy, and put it on my high-chair tray. Unlike any other meal at any other time, I sat perfectly still and ate for 45 straight minutes. When it was over, I passed out in the remnants of my mashed potatoes, gravy still clinging to my face.

Fast forward a few decades, and the story repeats itself with my son. He was a few months old, tucked into his high-chair, methodically devouring a mountain of mashed potatoes and turkey. He even tried to eat an entire turkey leg when someone handed it to him; the picture is priceless. He, too, passed out in his mashed potatoes.

It is safe to say that my family holds Thanksgiving in high esteem. It is, in fact, my favorite holiday — more than Christmas, more than Halloween, more than even my own birthday and all the narcissistic pleasure that comes with it. Thanksgiving is the epitome of life: there is sharing, good food, no concern for anything but the moment. There is, above all, love.

And stuffing. Good lord, do not skip the stuffing.

For as far as I can remember, Thanksgiving was its own event, its own celebration, its own holiday. We had the Thanksgiving Day parade and the Detroit Lions football game, along with dad catching a good beer buzz by noon. We’d savor the scent of roasting turkey all day long, as crisp winds blew outside, knocking down the holdout leaves, the last remnants of summer.

By the time we came to eat, the metaphor had completed itself. With this meal, I’d think, fall was over. This was the celebration before the hibernation. This was the last chance to eat two kinds of potatoes and three kinds of pie. This was the absolute apex of my year.

After the meal I’d nap, catch a little television, and laze around. Christmas was the furthest thing from my mind.

But now? Nowadays, Christmas intrudes upon Thanksgiving — quite rudely, I might add. Retailers treat employees like Ebeneezer Scrooge might, forcing them to miss the holiday with their families so they can work long hours pushing carts, scanning sale items, and beating back crowds of thousands of ignorant people.

What was once its own proud holiday has become a gateway for Christmas. And before you get pissed at that characterization, I have proof.

With few exceptions, Thanksgiving has typically been at my parents’ house. My mom and dad spend the day cooking, and the three of us kids bring our kids and spouses around, and we have a meal. It’s a festive occasion, one which, every year, I regret not wearing pregnancy pants. My mom practically begs us to stay — one more pie, one more game of pool, one more movie, one more minute with the grandkids.

But this year? We’re kicked out right after dinner. As soon as the last plate hits the dishwasher, my parents are kicking us out — kids and grandkids alike. Mom needs a power nap so she can shop Thursday night and into Friday morning. It’s a terrible thing, to have your favorite day marginalized in exchange for 59 percent off a toaster or dvd burner.

Black Friday, the national night of waiting in line in the freezing cold to trample strangers in a store chasing bargains, is now the highlight of the week. Thanksgiving is just the tailgating meal before the bargain-shopping begins. I think this is just wrong. Thankfully, others agree with me.

A group called “Respect the Bird”, started by Allrecipes.com contributor and chef Doug Matthews, has popped up to take a stand for Thanksgiving.

Here is a statement from the group’s website: “Respect the Bird supporters have a mission. They are determined to ruffle feathers as much as possible and restore Thanksgiving to its rightful place as a meaningful, respected American holiday, not one that’s merely a one-day delicious afterthought between Halloween and Christmas. Tapping into its original roots—thankfulness, a celebration of friendships, family, and gifts from the earth—Respect the Bird supporters want to create a Thanksgiving experience extending beyond meal planning.”

It’s about time that someone stood up to the encroachment of Santa Claus and his Christmas present bonanza upon the other holidays. If only our retails sector would get the message, and stand down from these insane encroachments on the greatest holiday of the year. Think about it. Is there any logical reason for people to need to shop for bargains at midnight, in the cold, on the evening of a holiday? Wouldn’t it make more sense for all retailers to band together and agree to open their doors at a reasonable time on Friday, instead?

Let the workers have their holiday. Let American families eat turkey in peace. And for the love of all things stuffed and holy, let my son and I pass out in our mashed potatoes, unbothered by the happenings of the rest of the world.

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Read more of my stories at Benzinga. You can also reach me by email [email protected] or on twitter @johndthorpe.

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