Roger Ebert’s Kidnapping Doppelgänger

I sent this story out line-by-line as a series of tweets last Friday, thinking it might make for an interesting approach to storytelling. It apparently was not. Not a single Twitter follower of mine commented on it, although I received a few comments on Facebook. Notably, “Chad, you really are weird. Do you know that?” Yes, I know that. 

You know what else? This is a true story, although I am pretty sure Dad will say we never stayed in a Holiday Inn. If memory serves correctly, we did at least once. We may have had a discount of some sort. Who knows? We once went trout fishing at a trout farm in Bella Vista, Arkansas. In other words, stranger things have happened, Dad. 

When I was a child, my family and I were eating at a restaurant in a Holiday Inn and I visited the salad bar. A man who, in my memory, looked exactly like a young Roger Ebert, said to me, “Hey Chad! How’s it going?”

I did not know this man.

I had a lifelong (short though my life was at that point) fear of being kidnapped. I thought this man was a napper of kids, and probably an avid moviegoer as well. I went on with my business, my trembling hand pouring Ranch dressing over my s-s-salad. I added b-b-bacon bits, too. Bacon bits are my pork Kryptonite.

After sitting down with my parents, I reluctantly told my parents what happened, and pointed at Roger Ebert’s kidnapping doppelgänger.

“Chad Thomas Johnston is an author, sonuva’ preacha’ man, PhD-dropout, singer/songwriter, music producer/sonic reducer, daydreaming doodler, gorilla/guerilla publicist, cinemaddict, & pop-culture obsessive. He is represented by Seattle, WA-based literary agent Jenée Arthur, who is currently shopping his debut manuscript to major publishing houses.

Follow Him on Twitter: @Saint_Upid

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