The Ballad Of Republican Candidates Past, Present And, No Doubt, Future – Or: Would Anybody Like Some Mixed Nuts?

Re: the two- twelve Republican field
Adding all of their IQ’s would yield
A remarkable sum
Giving them all headaches from
How to keep this much dumbness concealed

There was “kids could be janitors” Newt
Rick: “whut’s that third thing? Oops – shoot”
Cain: “what affairs?”
Michelle: well…who cares?
And Mitt who just filled up a suit

As a group they had no self-awareness
They (and their base) couldn’t care less
Au currant as brown suits
They should have worn clown suits
What a farce that these schmucks were their best

Cain: he’s now gone – it’s a blessing
Perry was a bundle of gaffs
Bachmann’s still Bachmann – depressing
And the rest were just good for some laughs

Santorum: still has crazies for ‘im
There was “we don’t need FEMA” Ron Paul
And if Huntsman were a cuntsman they would’ve adored ‘im
And Mitt: still filled suits and that’s all

And now we’ve The Tea Party’s Cruz
‘16’s man – if your mind’s set to “snooze”
A peasant who barks
For the cold oligarchs
(Excuse me – but I need some more booze)

On tax cuts for rich pals Cruz is certain
But to pass a jobs bill’s too exertin’
He’s just one more shill
For the folks who will kill
Like the Kochs, KBR, Halliburton

Here’s Ben of the soft spoken voice
Who thinks being gay is a “choice”
Who thinks “tithing” is fair
Be you poor or billionaire
Be legless or drive a Rolls-Royce

Then there is Rubio – light up a dooby oh
There aren’t too many who’re stranger
Global warming’s a hoax
His positions bad jokes
But he sounds sane which makes him a danger

Let’s hear it for Jeb – what a scream
Tho’ I think that he may be the cream
That rises altho’
He says of his bro’
“He kept us safe” – was 9/11 a dream?

Now John Kasich – logical, smart
A man with a brain and a heart
Can think on his feet
Not inclined to deceit
(So he hasn’t a chance from the start)

Which brings us to one Donald Trump
A man with the mind of a sump
Who’s fouled each “debate”
With a coy brand of hate
And whose name calls to mind a “yuge” dump

He’s the first one to tell you he’s smart
In the “deal” he invented the “art”
Likes to hear himself bray
But in the U.K.
The word “trump” simply means a big fart

Sold to Grover and bought by the Kochs
Hard to tell who’re the bigger j’mokes
Knock knock – uh, who’s there?
Don’t open – beware
All these vampires are worse than bad jokes

The lies all these imbeciles weave oh
That only the stupid believe though
Their arrogance pains us
Their sheer denseness drains us
Give thanks we can fast-forward TiVo

Which brings us to the future right-wingers
Even loonier than all these humdingers
Chips off the block
All dumb as a rock
With I.Q.’s you can count on two fingers

There’ll be future Republicans – bummer
No doubt just as soul-less but numb-er
Each one a halfwit
And as full of shit
As these bums – only richer and dumber

So –

Be you plumber, or welder, pot scrubber
Seafaring folk or landlubber
If for this crowd you’re pro
Someone kindly should throw
Your ass into a room made of rubber.

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Filed under: Poem, Presidential Politics, semi-angry rant, writing Tagged: Ben Carson, Donald Trump, Koch Brothers, Republicans, Tea Party, Ted Cruz Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.