Trump: “good News And Bad”

According to a source close to Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump’s campaign, Trump characterized last Saturday’s bombings in New York’s Chelsea district as both “good news and bad.”

The source reported that Trump said; “Believe me, I know good headlines and this damn ridiculous bombing has stolen all the good headlines – and I would need to blow up something myself to get them back. Hmmm…Anyway, why the hell that these terrorists picked now of all times when I was on an incredible roll and all over the TV news and the internet and the headlines is beyond me. This is a real unbelievably huge tragedy. A tragedy. Believe me – unbelievably huge.”

The source added: “as he was saying this, Trump was slowly turning an even deeper shade of orange. It was as if his head was a lit up pumpkin – with a comb-over.”

Later in the same day Trump went on Fox TV to say; “I predicted this because I’m very smart and I know terror. And, I am not ashamed to say that I think this bombing is really good news for me because this adds to the fear of terrorism you should all feel – and I know how to use this fear and translate it into votes. If some little people were hurt hey – it’s for something positive because fear will help get me elected. Believe me, the fear will get me elected. And, this is good because I alone can destroy ISIS. I alone can fix this. I alone. Believe me, believe me. And, you can put it on the liberal CNN and MSNBC newscasts and on the New York Times front page. Trump says bombings will get him elected. And, by the way – cops shooting innocent blacks will work for me too.”

At the same time Don Jr. tweeted; “Terrorism escalates. Trump only one can stop it. Generals too dumb. Vote big Don.”

Later in the day when reporters caught up with Trump leaving Trump Tower one asked; “Mr. Trump, regarding Saturdays bombing, your son Don Jr. just tweeted that the generals were dumb. How do you respond to that?” To which Trump responded; “Trump International Hotel in D.C. is tremendous. I mean, you saw my unbelievably terrific press conference there right? It’s terrific. Hey – my son Don Jr. knows world politics real good. Real good. I wouldn’t hesitate to appoint him Secretary of State. In fact, Ivanka tells me I should – and she’s very smart. Very smart. Believe me. Very.

Another reporter asked; “You’ve said that you believe that this bombing and terrorist attacks will help your campaign. And, that cops shooting black people will help you as well. Do you really believe these things?” To which Trump responded angrily; “I never said any such things! Why do you media idiots keep on smearing me with false accusations? You’re obviously all on Hillary’s payroll – aren’t you? Don’t forget – it was crooked Hillary who invented ISIS. Obama and Hillary invented ISIS. Don’t forget it. Why don’t you lying media guys print that? Huh? My base doesn’t believe anything you liars say and, believe me, they may be uneducated but they are smart.”

He got into his limousine and, as he flipped the reporters the bird, was swiftly whisked away.

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Filed under: Humor, NEWS, Presidential Politics, satire, writing Tagged: Donald Trump, Fox News, ISIS, terrorism Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.