News Flash: A First Look At Trump Tv

Barking in the Dark has been privileged to receive an advance copy of the new Trump TV Network program line-up. Here it is:

3:00 – Time for Tweeting with Donald J. Trump (The Day’s First Tweets. Live – from the Trump Tower Master Bathroom) N

3:15 – Important and Unbelievable Tweets – with Donald J. Trump (Live – from the Trump Tower Master Dressing room) N

4:00 – Incredible Tweets – with Donald J. Trump (Live from the Trump Tower Main Satellite room) N

4:45 – Tremendous Tweets – with Donald J. Trump (Live from the Trump Tower Main Office) N

5:00 – Breakfast with “The Donald” (Egg McMuffins and Politics with Don and Melania) N

5:30 – After Breakfast Tweets – with Donald J. Trump (Live from the Trump Tower Master Bathroom) N

6:30 – The Oxy Chronicles. With Rush Limbaugh (Thoughtful analysis of the Democrat Party) N

7:30 – Believe Me! (Huge amazing, tremendous deals with Donald J. Trump – Business: Today’s Topics: Trump condominium bargains and Why investing in Trump products is foolproof.) N

8:00 – Double Donalds (Sr. and Jr. News – and incredibly intelligent and insightful Commentary on lots of stuff) N

9:00 – Live From Moscow with Vlad (Today: Why doing business with Comrade Trump is unbelievably incredible. Host: Vladimir Putin – Today’s Guests: Former KGB Exec Vladimir Kryuchkov  and Donald Trump) N

10:00 – Exercising with Melania (You too can be an incredibly fit Trophy wife) N

10:30 – TSN (The Trump Shopping Network – Unbelievably incredible and fabulously amazing Trump products for everyone in the family. Your Host: Kellyanne Conway) N

2:30 – “A fabulous Trump watch with real diamonds for $15” (TSN continues.) N

5:00 – News with Sean Hannity (A fair and balanced run-down of today’s hottest stories. Today’s guest editorial; “Hillary – Her former life as a hooker,” by Michele Bachmann) N

6:00 – Cooking with Melania (Food. How to prepare yummy big game animals shot by Don Jr. and Eric Trump. Guest: Ivanka Trump – she prepares her special recipe for Elephant cutlets) N

7:00 – The Ann Coulter Hour (Round Table. Today’s Panel: Sarah Palin, Glenn Beck, Ted Nugent and Newt Gingrich. Cocktails and Discussion: Topics: Why shouldn’t we use the nuclear option? And, the New York Times; a Socialist Liberal Media Conspiracy) N

8:00 – Boy Talk (Sitcom. Episode 1: Locker Room Banter. (The boys innocently make fun of two flat-chested women – hilarity ensues. Alice Cooper, Joe Perry, Kid Rock, Guest Star Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Also; “The Rock” feels up a bag lady.) N

Coming Next week: Boy Talk (Episode 2: “When You’re a Star” – The boys drop Viagra and gangbang a drugged Latina hotel maid – then, they light a homeless man on fire – madcap hijinks. Guest stars: Vince Vaughn, Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone and Kelsey Grammer) N

8:30 – On Safari with Don Jr. and Eric (Educational. Bagging endangered species doesn’t have to be difficult – The boys and their expensive high-powered assault weapons show us how) N

9:00 – The Great Wall of Trump (Reality. Mexican immigrants who are unsuccessful getting over the “wall” are water-boarded – fun for the whole family) N

9:30 – Those Nutty Wacky Trumps (Sitcom. Episode 1: Don talks Melania into getting another breast enhancement, Ivanka is embarrassed when she runs into an ex-Nanny, Don Jr.’s day is ruined when he wakes up with terrible bed-head) N

10:00 – Shock Tank (Investments. Our highly original show not to be confused with any other show with an almost similar name so we can’t be sued (as our Jew lawyers tell us) in which the entire Trump family listens to ordinary uneducated people with the most incredibly true stories about Bill and Hillary Clinton and the vast left-wing conspiracy and the entire Democrat Party. The person, or persons, with the most shocking true story gets a $100 gift certificate for any Trump product.) N

11:00 – The Nightly News with Bill O’Reilly (Tonight’s guest co-anchor is Michelle Malkin –The news of the day, including a clear-eyed, unbiased, view of the communist Left-wing. Tonight’s Guest: Sarah Palin with thoughtful insightful analysis of today’s world events – and the state of the Communist Left-wing Democrat Party as it seeks to divide us as a Nation.) N

11:30 – This Night Tonight with Donald Trump (Entertainment, interviews. A hilarious take on whatever. Hosted by Donald Trump. Tonight’s guest line-up on the couch includes; Clint Eastwood, Hulk Hogan, Stephen Baldwin, Ben Stein and some ditsy blonde babe with huge tits. Also, Sammy Hagar demonstrates how to grab a woman by the pussy.) N

12:00 – The Trump Nightly Movie (Tonight’s classic is; Fire Maidens of Outer Space – 1956. A group of astronauts visit an all-female society on a Jupiter moon. “Compelling – and with some terrific tits. I give it 9 Heils” – Andrew Anglin, The Daily Stormer.) N

2:00 – The Nightly Sermon (Family Values. Rev. John McTernan, Defend and Proclaim the Faith Ministries – Somewhere in Central Pennsylvania. Tonight: “Homosexuals: Cause of the Zika virus, and also global warming – as if there was such a far-fetched thing.) N

2:30 – The Trump Family Nightly Salute (The Trumps gather in Trump Tower for The Pledge of Allegiance, The Oath of Citizenship, The Pledge to The Oath Keepers, The Grover Norquist Taxpayer Protection Pledge and, finally, The Star Spangled Banner sung by Melania Trump with the Trump family chorus.) R

3:00 – The Day’s First Tweet (Live – from the Trump Tower Master Bathroom) N

© tony powers and Barking in the Dark, 2016. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to tony powers and Barking in the Dark with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Filed under: Cautionary tale, Humor, offbeat, satire, writing Tagged: Ann Coulter, Donald Trump, Grover Norquist, Michele Bachmann, Republican party, Sarah Palin Barking in the Dark is run by Tony Powers, a writer/actor/musician.