Hat tip Dave L.
Snowstorms in Chicago Delays Hundreds Of Shootings
CHICAGO—The city of Chicago is steadily recovering from snowstorms that delayed hundreds of shootings and pushed numerous homicides across the city drastically behind schedule, public authorities announced. “Maintenance crews are worked diligently to restore public transportation, de-ice roads, and clear back alleyways so that Chicagoans could quickly resume shootings again,” Department of Streets and Sanitation spokesman Dave Michelson said. Heavy blizzards caused numerous homicide cancellations.
“But we’re backed up by about 35 deadly shootings at the moment, and we hope to restore regular death tolls as soon as possible. We apologize to anyone forced to postpone shootings or other killings and assure concerned murderers that they should now be free to resume slayings.” Authorities reported that murders were up and running in many parts of the city with just today four truant teenagers gunned down on Chicago’s South Side.