The Art of Learning to Love

by Catrina Stiller

So many of us feel unworthy of love. This makes learning to love ourselves difficult. Here are some ways to enhance the art of learning to love. According to Webster’s Dictionary, love is a (1) strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties; (2) attraction based on sexual desire: affection and tenderness felt by lovers; (3) a: affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests; b: an assurance of affection; 2: warm attachment, enthusiasm, or devotion

From these definitions, it is difficult to understand what is meant by the term self-love. Many individuals believe that when a person declares love for self it is an ego-centered statement. A declaration which means the individual is conceited or egotistical, even Webster’s Dictionary defines it this way. When I refer to self-love, I’m meaning a regard for one’s own happiness—not in an “I don’t care about anyone else” sort of way, but in the sense that “I recognize my God-given right to be worthy and accepting of happiness by pursuing the activities I enjoy and surrounding myself with people who treat me with love and respect.”

When used in this context, self-love becomes a cornerstone to loving your life, living out your purpose, and even having the ability to love someone else. Many of the individuals I treat are suffering from a lack of self-love. They have no idea how wonderful they are, and how much they have to offer the world. They come to me feeling broken and beat down by life. They believe they are victims of their circumstances, upbringings, economic status, and environments. I can easily see this in them because for many years, I too believed I was a victim of circumstance rather than the creator of my life. I began to wake-up to my harming self-talk. I would observe myself saying, “If only I was born into a family of higher economic status.” “If only my family lived somewhere else.” “If only I hadn’t been abused or this or that trauma hadn’t happened to me.” The list of if-only’s can go on and on forever leaving you feeling more and more helpless.