At first look, this appears to be a Dutch Wife mouthpiece or some kind of S&M bondage gear. But, believe it or not, this new Japanese “Face Slimmer” invention is for real.
A fairly well-known Japanese cosmetic company named Glim started marketing this product at the end of last year. As for WTF is it, the following explanation may not make much sense, but here we go.
First of all, according to the directions, one is to get into a bathtub(?) and then put the Face Slimmer in their mouth:
Then one is to repeat out loud the Japanese vowel sounds – “a i u e o”
『あ い う え お』 for three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one’s life.
Apparently by doing that kind of exercise, both women and men (one size fits all) can strengthen their lips and facial muscles, prevent wrinkles and reshape their visage into the popular “Duck Face“(?) Mmmmkaaaaay, well for more confusion on all of this please read the Google Engrish Generated page.
Get yours now at Rakuten!
But wait. There’s more!
From the makers of the well-known but useless Hana Hana contraption also known as the Japanese NOSE ELECTROCUTION! comes the all-new “Facial Lift Atonce“:
Using this one is easy and it does not require a bathtub. Simply put the Facial Lift Atonce in your mouth, turn it on, it vibrates a complete 360 degrees and then by some kind of magical power, one then gets a facelift.(?) The directions say that this exercise should also be done three (3) minutes a day everyday for the rest of one’s life. This product is also known as “A Face Lift in a Bottle” which apparently produces a very similar effect on men as that of beer goggles. O.O
No Comments yet I am surprised, you guys must have something to say about this dopey duck mouth contraption.
Oh ok. Hang on, thinking of stuff…
Er, Sharper Image are in a conspiracy to sell this to Nibiru.
This cures fat face, but the Anunaki *cause* it! Wake up, people!
Um… when will people understand that we will evolve into spiritual beings of light without the need for slimmer faces? Peace and light.
Derp. BJ lips.
Whoever could combine these two devices in one product for use in the shower would save water, time, and make a lot of money. Good luck to all those with fat faces and no brains. The un-self-criticality of Japanese faddism hold a PhD for someone with a good sense of humour.
Question. We started as perfect Spirit Being(s), then why do we need to “evolve?” That would also indicate the reality of time to a timeless being. Lots of conflicting beliefs there.
Can I use it during or after she’s done with it?