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Reclaiming My Power From Big Pharma: A Journey of Healing Depression, PTSD, Ambien Addiction and Beyond

Monday, November 7, 2016 21:03
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November 8th, 2016

By Juliet Tang

Guest writer for Wake Up World

“Healing is resolving the separation between the journey of the body and the journey of the soul.” – Dr. Brit Cooper

My Drugged Love/Hate Relationship

One of the most arduous and testing experiences I’ve gone through in life was overcoming my Ambien addiction, or in my case, changing what felt like a most convincing belief: “I need this drug to sleep.” That was a story I told day and night for 14 years of my life. Ambien was my salvation and destruction, my best friend and worst enemy, my drug of choice and my shame; the intimate relationship we shared was entangled with love and hate flavored with fear and a hint of abuse. I loathed it and revered it.

I attempted to run away from that relationship time and time again telling myself I’ve had enough of it, yet I returned every time faithfully and willingly after having been driven to near insanity by sheer exhaustion and frustration from staying wide awake night after night. I cursed, I cried, I screamed and begged, nothing came to my rescue until that little pill found its way into my palm and granted me the much needed sleep.

It all started with my fear-filled nights when my relationship turned abusive in my early adult years. I made myself stay up whenever sleep crept in every night in case my abuser decided to come to my door as he often threatened he would. Slowly, I conditioned myself to stay awake and before I knew it, I completely lost the ability to fall asleep. I went through months of staring at the ceiling wide awake hour after hour only getting some light sleep in the morning hours, just enough so I could go through life in a zombie state.


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