The Trap of Painful Thinking and the Birth of Inner Peace

By Adam J. Pearson

Francisco Helio Gomez Palma once invited us to “understand the dungeon that is your mind, before you can find the key to escape it.” This is wise advice; it calls our attention to an important issue and this is that any achievement of understanding is itself a key, not out of the dungeon of thought, but into another room within it. Concepts unlock the doors of other concepts, but not of way out of the space beyond incessant painful thinking.

Before I begin to talk about the trap of painful thinking and the way out of it, I must be clear about something: thought in and of itself is not a problem.  Contrary to some extreme anti-reason and anti-thinking perspectives, we do not need to rid ourselves of thought. Thinking is neither a demon nor a villain to us.  However, a particular kind of thinking, incessant thinking, tortuous thinking, can become a problem, precisely because it does not increase clarity, but decreases it. Incessant painful thinking does not liberate us from suffering, but plunges us further into it. And that makes it a real concern for those of us who aspire to live fulfilling lives, not lives that are barely livable at all.

We have all known the bitter sting of painful thoughts, thoughts that haunt, torture us, and seem inescapable. Regrets, fears, anxieties, thoughts that we are not good enough, that we are not smart enough, that no one will love us, that we will be eternally alone, and many others assail us from time to time or even constantly.  It is these sorts of thoughts that plunge us deeper into the game of further painful thinking.  They feed themselves in a deadly loop that threatens us.  It threatens to lead us into depression, neurosis, and even suicide.  It is this sort of thinking, the trap it lays for us, and the way to free ourselves from it that I would like to talk about here.

Incessant painful thinking may seem like the farthest thing from a game, but I call it a ‘thinking game‘ because like all games, engaging with such thoughts is voluntary.  This painful thinking game seems to have objectives, to bring us into transient wins and losses. It brings us fleeting victories over our suffering before plunging us once more into loss and pain.  Here is an important point, however: this is a game does not need to continue, though we often become convinced that it must. It is not a necessary game.  It simply becomes a matter of habit.  What we must grasp, what is essential to see, is that we cannot think ourselves out of our painful thoughts.  The thoughts offer keys to other rooms within the prison of pain whose bars they themselves install within us.  The keys do not take us out of the jail, but deeper into it.  Further thinking is simply part of the same game from which it promises to liberate us.

How, then, can we cope with these painful thoughts and learn to shift into a life where they become more like occasional landmarks on the journey than the very substance of the road on which we travel, always with us after every bend? I do not claim to have all of the answers. Psychologists and psychotherapists have wonderful insights and techniques that may be helpful here. My own experience, however, suggests that one useful way of coping with such thoughts is to give them meditative attention.  By ‘meditative attention,’ I mean noticing them, seeing how they make us feel, and watching them arise and fall away without getting caught up in them.  The process is quite like watching a bus pass from the side of the road rather than climbing aboard and taking it to its destination.  In the same way, we can see our thoughts arising and watch them pass as they fade out of our attention without boarding their wild ride, without getting carried away or swept up by them.

If painful thoughts arise, we need neither to hold on to them nor to push them away.  We need only notice them, allow any accompanying feelings to come up and flow through us without resistance, and watch them go.  When we see that thought cannot liberate us from thought, we do not fall prey to the delusion that the painful thoughts can somehow free us from themselves. They cannot.  They can only continue the treadmill, the rat race of suffering over thinking, thinking about suffering, and thinking ourselves into further suffering.  It is quite like the hamster spinning about on his wheel; no further spinning will take him out of the wheel.  All further running simply keeps the wheel going.  Similarly, continually getting swept up by painful thoughts will not stop the wheel of suffering. Ever. It will only keep it going.  We need to realize this very deeply.  We need to see it in our experience, feel it in our gut, taste it, and drink it in, not simply believe it.

When we see that more thinking is not the key out of the game of painful thinking, we lessen our delusions and we also drop a burden.  If the right kind of thought will take me out of my painful, ‘wrong’ thoughts, then I need to constantly think to try to find that thought.  If thought does not hold the answer, however, then I can relax.  I can ease into my situation.  I can watch the thought arise, evoke various feelings and memories, and subside again with detachment.  ’Detachment‘ means not getting swept up, not getting carried away, not clinging, not finding an identity in the thought.  Truly, “I” am not to be found in my painful thoughts.  I’m on the sidelines, watching them arise and fall away.  I’m like the woman at the bus stop, who watches the bus come down the street and drive away, not the man who feels he must board the bus of his thoughts and let them take him away on their chaotic jaunt through the streets of unnecessary suffering.

If we are planted in the present moment, in what it feels like to be alive here and now, to see these sights, to feel these feelings, to hear these sounds, to feel these touches, to deeply become aware of whatever tingles, pains, pleasures, or other sensations are there in the body, then we are less likely to be carried away on the wild ride of painful and futile thinking.  Disturbing thoughts are easier to deal with if treated more like a game than a burden to be carried. Treat them like a movie or a freak show or a play on a stage. Watch, enjoy, feel along, and leave the theatre when they’re over.  Your painful thoughts are not you; they are simply something that happens to you.  You are what remains even when they are gone.  

Seeing that thought cannot take us out of the maze of sorrowful thinking releases us from a painful delusion.  Release from delusion increases clarity. With clarity, comes greater serenity. With greater serenity, equanimity arises. With equanimity, less fear and less anxiety torture us. As fear and anxiety decrease, life, once a struggle, finally becomes livable again.  And is this not what we aim for, every moment of every day, simply to live a livable life? Happiness, freedom, insight… these things do not arise over night.  We should not beat ourselves up if we  catch ourselves being carried away by painful thoughts yet again.  It happens. We cannot do this wrong.  Detached witnessing is a practice and that means, quite clearly, that it can be practiced.  Mistakes do not mean failure; they are simply part of the practice.  Error is an important part of learning.

What, in closing, is the trap of painful thinking? The trap of painful thinking is the desperate belief that more painful thinking will bring an end to the painful thinking we already feel. It cannot. It never will. Ever. Trying to think ourselves out of the maze brings us deeper into the maze; trying to bring the hamster wheel to a stop by continuing to run on it only keeps it going; getting carried away by the bus only keeps us on the very ride we want to escape.  So, drop out of the trap.  See that you can’t think your way out of it and instead, watch the thinking from the sidelines, like an audience member watching a play or a fan watching a football game from the bleachers.  As you drop out of the trap, you drop a great burden.  You will literally feel a weight or wad of pain and stress dropping out of your life when this really clicks, really hits home.

Rest in your vantage point on the sidelines of your own thinking.  See thoughts and feelings arise, affect the body and mind in various ways, and fall away again.  Watch without being carried away.  This is meditative witnessing.  As it grows, your unnecessary inner torture and mental suffering will begin to decrease, at least a little.  This is the birth of inner peace.  This is the dawning of serenity.

When the noise of constant, unnecessary, pointless thinking begins to die down, what you will find within you is a beautiful silence.  It is a silence that allows everything to arise within it, excluding nothing. It is a silence that is like the perfect host: it allows all into the party and sees them all safely out.  It is a restful, relaxed, and stress-free silence. And it is what your mind is really like beneath the chaos of your chattering thoughts.  It is what you are really like. And what you really are is beautiful indeed.  Taste it for yourself; these words are useless if they do not take you home to yourself.  Make that journey here and now.  I’d love to take it for you, but I can’t.  Do it for yourself through watching your thoughts and feelings come up like an observer on the sidelines and resting in the silence between the thoughts.  When you come home to yourself, your life will finally come livable again.  You will find yourself spontaneously outside of the trap instead of struggling within it.  And when you taste that freedom, you’ll wonder how you ever got caught in the first place.

Read More from Adam Pearson at http://philosophadam.wordpress.com/

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