Need help....ask.

I am sure that you have seen little signs in shops all over that say “Need help…ask”. People are usually ready to help , but need to know you need it, want it, and what you are looking for. That means you have to ….ask.

I have seen people do the craziest things. Things from ridiculous to rude in the name of needing help. Sometimes they don’t actually need help, but they go through so much energy trying to disguise the need, that they could have used that energy to solve the problem in the first place!

People do so many things to get in their own way. They wait until the last minute to do things, they don’t plan, they get in over their heads (both energetically and financially). They are rude to people and then wonder why they don’t respond favorably. They rush, they get upset and generally make a bigger mess than there was in the first place. Then they ask for help!

Most recently I have seen and heard from clients of people doing inproper things in the hopes of others “helping”. I put “helping” in quotes, as some just want to be lazy and have others actually “do” for them.

When you want help, voice a specific need and see what is offered. Then make your plans and decisions based on that. Sometimes the answer is that you will have to wait to achieve that goal as you are not ready or do not have the help you need.

I have watched people move others around as if they were chess pieces on a chess board to get where they want to be. All they had to do was ask instead of inconveniencing everyone else. It didn’t matter if the solution for themselves involved making others need help, it just solved their issue. This is unfair, selfish, and rude. It is reacting in a fear based manner (see yesterday’s blog), instead of acting in a positive and faith filled manner.

I have also watched people “fish”. They ask for help, but won’t explain what is going on. They tell you they need something, but never why. It is usually a dramatic request. A friend was asked for money by another person , but the person would not tell them why they needed the money. The request was denied with a firm, “no”.

People also try to manipulate others into helping by making them feel guilty. This is mental and emotional abuse. Never tolerate a person who gets what they want by putting fear or guilt into others.

Threats are sometimes used, “help me or else”, this in another example where you just walk away, no need to tie a person like that even stronger to you by repeating a behavior that you will later regret.

Some don’t ask at all , but sink nto a huge mess that they need others to pull them out of, they like being “saved”, and allow the worst case scenario to happen when it didn’t need to.

When you have an issue that needs to be resolved you first have to decide if it is that important. The answer may be to walk away. I have seen people struggling to hold on to cars and homes they can’t afford, the answer may just be to sell the item, not to ask for help in paying for it. Then once that decision is made , you have to decide YOUR plan, and you have to have a starring role in the plan, and then see if you need help executing it. When you need help, you clearly state the issue to those whom you think can help and see what solutions are offered. Pick one, and give it 100%. Then make sure that you do NOT get into that same situation again!

The answer is not to inconvenience or change someone’s situation in any way to make your better, it is not to make people feel sorry for you or wonder about you. It is to take action.

 As always, “Do unto others” and “Do the right things for the right reasons”

Peshaui Wequashimese

(C)2013 Dr R M Wolf, May not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission.