Looking for love.....

The very worst way of finding a good relationship, is to look for it.

When people look for a relationship, they may surely find one, but as to finding a great one, the chances are very slim. One thing that happens is that when people get caught up in “looking” , they have a hard time finding the right combination, so they settle. They figure if they have 8 of the 10 things on their list, that is pretty good. It isn’t. Eventually, and usually sooner rather than later, the relationship starts to go sideways. The little things that were thought to be “not all that important” , suddenly loom large as “deal breakers”.

Some hang in there , determined to have relationships, and end up in abusive marriages,  marriages where the partner constantly cheats, marriages that end up as “room mates” rather than lovers and partners,  and some don’t even get to marriage stage. Most don’t.

It always amuses me when I tell people that there is a great guy coming in three months and get the response that “three months” is something akin to  40 years on a desert island. They say “I can’t wait that long!” (Yes you can, and I don’t have a man in my back pocket to pull out and produce for you.). I didn’t get married at all the first time until I was 28, and after being divorced for several years, I found my perfect match. Yes, I said several years, and here some people can’t wait until next month to find a relationship.

I also get people saying things along the lines of another person being married , and she is a horrible person, she is mean, and rude. How do you know how she is when they are together alone? How do you know he doesn’t like her just the way she is? Maybe he has a hard time being assertive and likes her to do the job since she is so good at it. Don’t judge other people’s relationships to qualify your own.

Make sure that you don’t rush, and when you get there, don’t change. Don’t get lazy in your relationship, don’t enter into to it in the first place if you are seeing issues from the start. Make sure it is a 50/50 relationship every day. When it isn’t 50/50, it won’t last.

Getting pregnant is also no way to keep a man, it is a great way to scare many of them away. Make sure that your relationship is on excellent footing (kids add stress and if the relationship is already rocky, kids will break it, not fix it), make sure finances are in order, and make sure you are physically prepared.

When you take your time and forge a meaningful, loving, partnership, then you will have a wonderful relationship for many years.

Don’t rush!

Peshaui Wequashimese

(C)2014 Dr R M Wolf, may not be used, copied or reproduced without prior written permission