Release the Past to Free the Present: Another Meaning of Forgiveness

By Adam J. Pearson

Introduction

In “Forgive and Be Free: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness,” I introduced the practice of forgiveness and its tremendous ability to transform our lives and give us a greater sense of inner freedom. At the end of that article, I emphasized an encouraging feature of forgiveness, namely that:

I only have to choose to forgive once and that is now. In every moment, I get to choose whether to hold on to blame and suffer or forgive and be free.

Forgiveness happens in the now. This point is so important and so crucial to grasping the full power of forgiveness that I want to devote a full article to it and suggest to you that forgiveness has the striking power to release us from the past so that we can be free in the present. It literally offers us the key to unlocking the barred gateway of the past so that we can enter the doorway of freedom in the here and now. What do I mean by this? Let’s dive right in.

Redefining Forgiveness

In “Forgive and Be Free,” I suggested a very simple definition of forgiveness, namely, that it is the practice of:

Choosing to lovingly let go of blame.

This is a useful definition because it’s simple and it brings us right into the core of the practice. However, there’s another dimension to forgiveness that this definition doesn’t make explicit. To reveal it, we need only remember tat the blame that we hold onto, the judgments we maintain, and the grievances to which we cling all have something vitally important in common: they all relate to the past. 

We blame others for what they have done to us in the past. We judge people for what they have previously done, valued, expressed, said, or thought. We hold grudges because we feel others wronged us before. In all cases, therefore, we carry the past into the present and hold onto it for dear life. Why, you may wonder? Because we think holding onto grievances is the only way to protect ourselves. We don’t want to be wronged again, so we hold onto our grudge as a kind of shield to keep the hurt out.

There is an element of wisdom in this line of reasoning and also and element of tragic folly. The wisdom lies in the fact that it is helpful to remember how people have acted in the past in order to avoid being hurt in the same way. Naturally, if I have learned through experience that a particular man is prone to conning people out of their money, it would be wise for me to remember not to entrust this fellow with more of my cash. 

The folly, however, lies in the false belief that emotionally holding onto my grudge is needed in order to remember that a person tends to behave in a certain way. In addition, it’s as if inwardly tensing up and desperately clinging to the memory of the pain of a past wrong will somehow hurt the person who hurt me and thus give me a sense of inner revenge. However, the truth is that, as a famous proverb once said, holding onto a grudge is like trying to kill another person by drinking the poison yourself. The only thing that holding on to grievances does is hurt you. It destroys your peace and happiness from within. And it binds you to the past.

Forgiveness comes in to address this issue head on. Its purpose is simple: liberation. Forgiveness allows us to release the inward tension of holding on to past pain, which keeps us suffering in the present. Its purpose is to heal the pain by releasing it. Therefore, we might also define forgiveness in another way:

Forgiveness is choosing to lovingly release our present from the hold of the past.

Thus, holding on to grievances involves letting the past hold onto my present. It means letting past pain hurt me now. It means sapping and draining my energy, which should flow smoothly into the now, by contracting it around a grudge or a judgment or a concentration of blame. It means choosing to sacrifice my present peace and happiness in order to maintain the emotional memory of pain in the past.

I’ll repeat this because our happiness depends on us really seeing it. Clinging to the memory of past pain literally means forcing myself to keep suffering now in order to ensure that I don’t forget that I suffered in the past. Is it just me or is that not tremendously, unbelievably, and incredibly ironic? We claim that we hold on to past hurt to ensure that we do not suffer in the future, but all this does is guarantee that we suffer in the present. Is the madness of this starting to sink in? Let me mark it off by itself so it’s super clear:

The logic of holding grievances is that in order to avoid suffering in the future, I have to choose to suffer now by remembering that I suffered in the past.

If that sounds absolutely bonkers and totally insane to you, that’s because it is. It’s an innocent mistake that we tend to make for the first time as children and hold on to for years into adulthood, but it’s crazy nonetheless.

Forgiveness: A Sane Solution to an Insane Problem

Thankfully, this insane situation has a sane solution: forgiveness. When I hold on to grievances, I obsessively hold on to the past. And when I hold on the past, I reinforce its hold on my present. Therefore, the only logical thing to do is to make a different choice. Instead of choosing to hold on to the grievance, I choose to lovingly release it. Instead of choosing to hold on to the past, I learn from it, but I also lovingly release my hold on past pain and thereby, release its hold on my present.

This can seem difficult, if not even counter-intuitive, but deep down, I see that it’s what I really want to do. Why? Because I want to free now. I want to be joyful now. And I want to be peaceful now. And if I’m holding onto a grievance, then I’m filling my now with memories of the past and constantly recreated feelings of past pain. And if I fill the present with past pain, that past pain becomes present pain. And thus, conflict covers up my peace, pain crushes my joy, and the past weighs heavy on my freedom like a tremendous burden.

Therefore, I want to forgive. Why? Because if I forgive, then I release my past pain into the past and let it stay there so that an old chapter in my life no longer determines what happens in the present of my story. I release the conflict and turmoil that grievances introduce into my present. I release the grievances that keep me tethered to the past and thus, keep me bound in the present. Choosing forgiveness isn’t foolish; it’s wise. Choosing forgiveness isn’t giving in to those who hurt us in the past; it’s ensuring that they don’t continue to hurt us in the present. Choosing to forgive is choosing to be free, happy, and peaceful here and now. Regardless of what happened in the past.

Grievances Weaken; Forgiveness Empowers

We might feel that giving up our emotional hold on past wrongs or past pain decreases our power, takes away some of our control. It seems like if I hold on to the pain I felt in the past and the blame towards the person who inflicted it on me, then I get to hold some power over that grievance. I get to keep a sense of control. However, is this really true?

When I hold onto the memory of past pain, I continue to suffer in the present. I literally extend my past pain into the present. If what I really want is the power to be peaceful, happy, and free in the present, then holding onto grievances isn’t really an act of asserting power at all.

Instead, holding on to grievances forces me to surrender my power over my present freedom, peace, and happiness to the grievance. I give up my power to the grievance, to my blame, to my abuser, to my past pain, and empower it to continue to make me suffer in the present. And by empowering the grievance, I weaken myself. In short, by holding on to grievances, I give up or abdicate my power over my present experience to the past.

If this sounds negative, take heart: it has a positive implication. If holding on to grievances surrenders my power to the past, then forgiving grievances reclaims my power over my present. Thus, forgiveness is literally empowering. Forgiveness empowers me by taking my power over my present experience back from the past and focusing it in the now. In this way, forgiveness empowers me to be free, happy, and at peace here and now. And that is what I truly want, so forgiveness must be what I truly want as well. Grievances weaken, but forgiveness empowers.

Freedom from Identifying with Victimhood

This already potent idea has an even more powerful and empowering implication, for forgiving releases me from identifying as a victim. How is this possible? It’s possible because I identify as a victim when I hold onto a past in which I was victimized. If I hold onto a past in which I was victimized, then I hold onto a grievance. If I hold onto a grievance, then I hold on to the pain of that past and let it run and define me in the present. Thus, because I was victimized in the past, I come to identify as a victim in the present. 

In contrast, if I forgive, then I lovingly release the past’s hold on me. And as I release my emotional hold on the past, then I do not let it continue to hold on to my present. I empower myself in the present by choosing to not let myself be defined by victimization in my past. When I forgive, I lovingly release my identity from being bound to a past victimization. Thus, if I do not hold on to the past, then I cannot see myself as a victim. And thus, having forgiven, I find myself free here and now.

Conclusion

Thus, forgiveness simply involves choosing to lovingly free my present from the hold my past. It frees my present from bondage to past pain, and thereby empowers me with the freedom to be at peace and happy in the now. In closing, forgiveness releases the obstacles to my awareness of peace in my present and thus reveals peace where I would have seen conflict, joy where I would have seen past pain, freedom where I would have seen bondage; it releases the past to liberate the present and show me that I am free.

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For more on forgiveness, see “Forgive and Be Free: The Liberating Power of Forgiveness,”

For a poetic reflection on the challenge of forgiving when we’re tempted to blame, see “The Light of the Mind.”

Read More from Adam Pearson at http://philosophadam.wordpress.com/