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Petraeus to Liberate Exiled Burger King and His Food Court

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Nanny State Liberation Front; July 26, 2010 – for more fresh news and unique views, visit our blog and Facebook page.

 

“I knew I was making the right decision by replacing McChrystal with Petraeus. Long live the king!”

A few short months ago, General Stanley McChrystal, the former commander of Special Forces in Iraq, dethroned the Burger King and put him in exile. Thanks to General David Petraeus, McChrystal’s replacement, the ‘Home of the Whopper’ will soon return to several military bases in Afghanistan among a host of other fast food delights.

Command Sergeant-Major Michael T. Hall said he and McCrystal were “looking for ways to do things more efficiently across the battlefield” upon their arrival in Afghanistan, The Sunday Times (UK) reported on March 30. Branding troops as drunks and trying to make them forget what ‘freedom’ tastes like were just a few of their brilliant military strategies.

In September 2009, McChrystal banned alcohol at his headquarters, blaming an abundance of “hangovers” suffered by his staff as reason to curb their drinking altogether (heck of a way to boost the morale of your troops, General — call ‘em all drunks!), The Times reported. On February 3, 2010, McChrystal ordered 50 Army and Air Force Exchange Service concessionaires to close within 90 days following his arbitrary and, apparently, unfavorable “review of morale, welfare and recreation activities,” noted the Army Times.

The Army Times reported yesterday that Petraeus seems convinced that American troops can efficiently operate on the battlefield while enjoying Whoppers and fries on their free time. While no formal order has been given by Petraeus to liberate the ‘King’ in exile and his food court that includes Pizza Hut and Subway, Army Col. Erik Gunhus indicated that halting McChrystal’s ‘War on Whoppers’ is “on the table” and awaiting final approval.

“I knew I was making the right decision by replacing McChrystal with Petraeus. Long live the king!”

A few short months ago, General Stanley McChrystal, the former commander of Special Forces in Iraq, dethroned the Burger King and put him in exile. Thanks to General David Petraeus, McChrystal’s replacement, the ‘Home of the Whopper’ will soon return to several military bases in Afghanistan among a host of other fast food delights.

Command Sergeant-Major Michael T. Hall said he and McCrystal were “looking for ways to do things 



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