The Silence of Ethylene Glycol

Automobiles, Motorcycles and Libertarian Politics

Today’s New York Times editorial lamenting Congress’s silence on firearms control following the recent Virginia Tech massacre underscores the almost obsessive fixation of some of our most influential news sources on the subject. In an impassioned rant, the editor derides federal lawmakers for two seemingly heinous acts of support for murdering gun nuts; specifically (1) the failure of Congress to enact laws that would allow local enforcement to become involved in the prosecution of federal firearms sales violations and (2) the fed’s equally despicable failure to prohibit the sale of firearms to persons who have neither committed a crime or even been charged with one.

These two massive breaches of the public trust must be rectified according to our anonymous benefactor. Swift and decisive action must be taken to rid our society of the gun toting killers that relentlessly threaten the safety of our law abiding citizens. Never mind that firearm sales and the laws that control them are under the historic jurisdiction of the federal bureaus of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms and the Justice Department’s FBI. For some reason our social engineering advocate would have us believe that federal crimes should be handled by local police departments. Hmm.

As for point two, there’s an idea we’ve had around this country for a few hundred years that prohibits us from removing a citizen’s rights without due process. Perhaps our author slept through that section of his or her high school civics course. One of the prices we pay for freedom in this country comes from sacrificing the ability to act against our neighbors based on vague suspicions that they might be up to no good. Were that not the case, many of us might have had our civil rights denied due to our failure to promptly attend PTA meetings, church functions or charity benefits. God help you if you let your kid use the family Internet connection to research his project on Fat Man and Little Boy, then end up on a Homeland Security watch list. You can kiss your civil rights goodbye as far as this dufus is concerned.

If the media were at least balanced in its coverage of these issues it might be possible to tolerate the overwhelming screams of the gun control advocates along with their senseless patriarchal “protectionism” -however we don’t see anyone yelling from the rooftops for the federal control of anti-freeze, even after a nice old grandmother offs her husband with an ethylene glycol cocktail, then claims that she’d have drank it herself if she’d been forced to at gunpoint. What in the blue blazes do guns have to do with it? She poisoned the poor sap. “I don’t know what happened, I don’t know how. If I had to at gunpoint, I would drink it myself before hurting another human being.” the tag line reads. Huh?

Even a fast search reveals that poor old Grampa Bork is only the most recent victim of death by anti-freeze. He keeps company with such famous media personalities as Lynn Turner, a convicted serial killer who’s favorite means of death was the slightly sweet elixir.

The moral of this story? Don’t drink the punch at the next college mixer until the feds start licensing anti-freeze. On the other hand if you don’t have a morbid fear of death you can ignore these idiots and take your best shot at living in the real world, but remember that ladies prefer poison.

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