Happy Birthday, Michelle! Let’s Mooooooove!

Today Mrs. Barack Hussein Obama II (aka the First Lady, aka FLOTUS, aka Michelle Robinson Obama) is officially a senior citizen.  Don’t look so worried, Michelle.  Chin up!

Today is Michelle’s 50th birthday.  She can join AARP!  If she acts fast, she can use her AARP discounts to buy some cheap eats to feed guests at tonight’s tommorow night’s White House birthday bash.

She’ll need those discounts because, after all, We the Taxpayers aren’t going to pay for her party–we’ve already given her a birthday gift (although her husband pretends that it was from him).  Barack graciously “allowed” Michelle to stay on vacation in Hawaii, at Oprah’s beach manse, while he flew back to DC alone.  That means that We the Taxpayers are on the hook for the several hundred thousand dollars his “gift” cost us. Actually, it may have cost much more:

This is not simply the vacation of a private citizen. Because she is the First Lady of the United States — FLOTUS — her vacations cost the taxpayers millions of dollars. Because she is a queen, she considers that cost her just due.

In Hawaii, security zones have been set up around the Winfrey estate. Residents and business owners are being inconvenienced to an exceptional degree. Security checkpoints have kept customers and vendors away from businesses, effectively shutting them down. But the people who are hurt are little people, nobodies. Who cares what happens to them as long as Michelle Antoinette gets her vacation?

So, Michelle, while We the Peeps may say

Happy Birthday, FLOTUS!

the security and the plane ride is all you’re getting out of us.  And don’t bother your pretty little head, Michelle, We the People expect no thanks from you.  You can have this cake, but you won’t be able to eat it, too, nor will your guests:

Here are the lovelies, FLOTUS with OPRAH (who deserves capitals, too, just to keep things fair):

That must have been one funny joke. At whose expense?  I’m speechless (a rarity) about those three brooches.  One is the loneliest number.  Greed is good.

Being now a woman of a certain age, Michelle will have to kick it up a notch to keep the more pounds off, even though she believes that she’s fit and “fabulous.”

Walking Bo the dog (or BO the husband) around the WH grounds ain’t gonna cut it.  Fortunately for Michelle, her “Let’s Move” initiative is just what the doctor ordered.  Sweating with the oldies.  A one and a two …

Just this week, Michelle

said she eats right without obsessing over food, does more yoga and low impact workouts, and wouldn’t rule out Botox or plastic surgery.

“Women should have the freedom to do whatever they need to do to feel good about themselves,” the first lady told People magazine in an interview hitting newsstands Friday, her birthday. “Right now, I don’t imagine that I would go that route, but I’ve also learned to never say never.”

If we apply the Obama rule–that whatever is said, the opposite is the truth–then she’s already perhaps gone that route.  (Who knows the date of the interview, after all?) Maybe while on extended vacation in Hawaii, she had a little work done.  Surely Oprah knows some good plastic surgeons and how to be discreet.

FLOTUS knows (she told us so) what choosing your foods wisely will get you:

The guinea pig on the right has been on a celery diet for much longer than the “pig” on the left.  Now aren’t you inspired? Eat your greens, like Mom in Chief says!

Let’s mooooooove.  

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