The Messiah is here (apparently), all hail SHAKING MA OF BLAH

After several shaky starts, and so many proclamations on being The Messiah, o SHAKING MA OF BLAH (aka King of Shambhala) has finally announced his arrival to the world. His timing is impeccable, as his arch enemy the anti-christ (Obama) is holding a party on the 31st of October (Halloween), and KOS has time to get his very favourite costume (Jesus outfit) to the dry cleaners and back, before the big day.

I’m glad that things have apparently worked out for him, because he began to lose the faith towards the end of September, when he started to express some doubt about being The Messiah. Who can forget those telling words on the 27th September, expressing that self-doubt;

“I never wanted to be Jesus and the Messiah but who’s going to fill the shoes?”

Understandably he felt somewhat aggrieved with the rejection by those “evil Christians”, who didn’t buy his story. They cruelly laughed at his 500/1 cast iron-clad lottery proof that Obama was the anti-christ. It transpired that KOS set about a clever and cunning plan to get even with them.

“Christians told me that my proof of Obama being the Antichrist was fake because I was Buddhist. I thought: That’s mighty intolerant. They think only a Christian can be the Saviour, Messiah etc…how typically hateful of Christians that is! That’s why people have rejected Christianity.”

“So, seeing I don’t buy that big lie I retorted back that because they said a Buddhist couldn’t be Jesus and the Messiah I’d prove them wrong.”

“It’s a bit spiteful of me to proclaim myself Jesus and the Messiah admittedly, but nothing can excuse Christians saying things like that only Christians will be saved in the end times.”

But thankfully for us all, he refound the faith… within an hour of his brief meltdown. It transpires that he has a magic Bible that produces quotes, and amends them according to the wishes of our self proclaimed Messiah… and I for one am truly grateful for the plasticity of his guidance. It brings a smile to my face everytime I open one of his articles because, while much of it has been said before, and again and…, there is usually something in there that comes as a surprise, kos it ain’t been said like that before.

And so here we are today, and the end times are apparently upon us. We can all now rest easy, comfortable in the knowledge that KOS has our back. Given all that he says about his arch enemy, I’m gonna play it safe and face the room, with my back to the wall, just in case there are any slip ups.

We were warned by Jesus in the Bible that in the end times, many would come in my name.

KING OF SHAMBHALA’s bus has arrived at gate 9. The engine doesn’t sound too good, it’s had a few bumps, as you’d expect having come on such a perilous journey, and the driver looks decidedly dodgy. I’m gonna grab the popcorn and observe, as I’m sure there will be another one along shortly.

If you want to be saved, just make sure you pick the correct Messiah. My advice is to pick one who doesn’t look extremely ugly (after all he’ll be heaven sent), is intelligent, has some social skills and doesn’t demand that you follow him, lest some horrendous fate awaits you. 

Thankfully Revelations gives us a clue on timing. The big bad boy shows up first, where the multitudes accept the mark of the beast. The good guy turns up later. Perhaps KOS is just keen to get started, and nip it in the bud so to speak.

Either way, I for one am grateful to KOS for setting the ball rolling, I feel his childlike impatience at doing battle with the anti-christ. What a brave warrior he is.

For now, I am Dun Foaming