The Zombie Apocalypse Will NOT Be Televised

Senator Chuck Schumer took to the microphone yesterday to warn America’s parents about a lethal threat to the welfare of their children -  Halloween face paint. Who knew?

Apparently some of the paint that parents intend to use to turn their little munchkins into scary monsters for the (marginally) acceptable holiday of Halloween is poisoned with deadly chemicals like lead, mercury and cobalt.

Anybody who remembers mainframes knows how dangerous Cobol is

“These toxic ingredients can make a child sick, but they’re never listed on the package,” Schumer pointed out, holding up makeup palettes by Rubie’s Costume Company, Wet N’ Wild Fantasy Makers, and Fun World as examples of potentially dangerous products.

I’m just glad we’ve finally got our priorities straight. So thanks, Senator, for clarifying who the enemy is: not  Russia, China or radical Islam butt rather, clowns and zombies.

I think he’s right. So let’s be careful out there.

This time the revolution will NOT be televised.