A Note to Bernie’s Millenials: Be Sure To Read the Fine Print

Note: you may have to embiggen the text to read the tiny print. Apologies, butt then again, it’s not supposed to be easy to read the fine print.

Poor old over-the-Hilz, not only did she get schlonged again by Bernie last night, butt she continues to bleed millennial voters:

According to entrance polls, Sanders received 84 percent of the vote from those 17 to 29 years old, as against 14 percent for Clinton. – New Republic

It’s easy to see why Hillary – old, white, shrill harpy – is not attractive to Millennials. The more interesting question is why Bernie is so attractive to this demographic. I think it can be simply explained by reviewing  the series of Liberty Mutual commercials aimed at the same demographic. I’ve attempted to summarize the message LM is attempting to convey beneath each video.

New Car Replacement: Don’t they know you’re already shaken up?

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There I was just texting my mom when out of nowhere this other car jumps in front of me, ruining my whole day. Then I find out my cheap basic insurance doesn’t cover complete replacement value? That is so NOT FAIR either!!  If you just pay LM a higher “New Car Replacement premium” we’ll be happy to replace the car you totaled. (NOTE TO MILLENNIALS: in most applications  “plus depreciation” will be a negative number.)

Better Car Replacement: Money can buy you love.

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LM understands how attached you get to inanimate objects and how upset you’ll be when they no longer work. So if you just pay them a higher “Better Replacement” premium, they’ll replace your old stuff with something even better when it breaks.  And you won’t even have to go through the trouble of putting the money in the bank yourself! How fair is that!!? 

Accident forgiveness: Your insurance company raises your rates after you caused an accident? Who does that?

You spend a lot of time doing internet research before you buy a car so you deserve a gold star, right? Then you find out there are still consequences in the form of a higher premium when you run into a tree while texting mom; that is so unfair!! Just pay LM a higher “Accident Forgiveness” premium and they won’t raise your rates – that’s fair, right?

Deductible Fund? “Deductible” – whats that?

I paid my insurance premiums on time and therefore deserve a gold star. Instead, I run off the road while texting Brad and wreck my car and you expect ME to pay a deductible!? That’s so UNFAIR!!! If you pay LM a higher “Deductible Fund” premium, they will just-a-waive your deductible – and again, you don’t even have to go to the trouble of putting it in your own bank account. How fair is that!!?

So you see, Bernie appeals to Millennials exactly the same way the Liberty Mutual ads do. He promises you a lot of free stuff butt doesn’t even do as good of a job explaining  that you are actually going to be charged for the “freebies.” Maybe the FTC should impose a Truth In Advertising law on politicians as well as commercials. In the mean time you would be well advised to read the small print.